Joey Yang Sengal!!

Perhubungan Itu Adalah Kompleks!

2012-02-06T00:00:00.001+08:00

Perhubungan itu sesuatu yang sangat kompleks. Emosi, perasaan dan fikiran semuanya bergabung, dan gabungan kesemuanya itu menghasilkan satu ke'kompleks' an yang kadang kala bisa membuat fikiran menjadi bingung.

Orang kata menjalin perhubungan itu mudah. Semudah membuka akaun facebook. Rasa-rasanya lebih susah nak buka facebook kot. Anyway, I'm not going to go further into the other relationship. My only thing is about the relationship. Ala, you know that special relationship. If your relationship doesn't work, would you still be friend with the person? For me, I dont know. My last relationship ended so bad, having me to break all ties with the person, and it does make me think that when the special relationship ended, we just dont want to relive the pain inside the heart, so it will be best not to be friend with the person. Tak semua orang boleh jadi macam Ted Mosby dan Robin Scherbatsky.Saya teringat kata kata Ben F, bila Ashley reject dia untuk memilih bersama J.P dalam The Bachelorette...You can’t leave something like this on good terms… Good things don’t end unless they end badly.

Ok. I still linger from the almost happen relationship. It feels weird eh, when you know you actually like someone when that someone tell you that dia likes someone else. Then tiba-tiba perasaan yang lain muncul. Macam I kata on post before this, I need that one making a move on me. If I dont get the sign, maybe I wont make a move. Dan, suck, I still friend with that person. But, perasaan saya dengan dia sudah kurang. Entahlah.

Itulah. Kompleksnya perhubungan. Dan post ini memang takde kesinambungan dalam perenggannya. LoL.

Vulnerable!

2012-01-24T03:24:00.002+08:00

I think I am vulnerable. I didnt know where can I luahkan my feelings, I can't put it on my FB, nanti that person will now. I dont know why I feel sad, when I should be happy that I help both of them together. Please help me, God. My heart macam ditebak dengan jarum. Kecil, namun tetap ada kesannya. Macam yang dikatakan. Kepastian itu sangat penting. Namun bila kepastian tu tiada, I wont make a move. A little bit sad.

Terlepas!

2012-01-22T00:00:00.000+08:00

I always missing something. Waiting outside the line, and never make a slightly move. I was trying to be as neutral as I could be, but why when the apple been picked, I do feel something is urging?

It feels like a curse. I have to wait because I need certainty. Now, yang lain pula dapat. Oh. Aku yang bernasib malang, sentiasa dapat the role of the best friend. Owh, aku terlepas lagi.

Aku dan People!

2012-01-14T23:28:00.005+08:00

People come, and people go. I've had meet people in all shapes of life and forms, thank god, most of them were pretty nice. But to be precise, I always had trouble putting someone in my good book. Secara jujurnya, saya cemburu pada anda yang mempunyai kawan-kawan yang boleh diharapkan. Saya sebenarnya suka bercakap dan berbual. Seriously, I like to talk, and most people talk about their problem with me kadang-kadang, I will always be their unqualified counsellor. But now as usual, they're not with me anymore.

I am actually love to be clinging person. Bila ada masalah jer, even as small as demam, I can call anyone to help me go to the clinic. Sadly, most of the things I have done myself. Being a tough one sangat susah, nasiblah terpaksa, kalau tak macam mana nak hidup kan? (Tapi apa pasal aku tengok someone tu seronok jer ada kawan. Hidupnya tak pernah sunyi)

I realized most of the time it was hard for me to make friends these days. How can I know me and that person are totally compatible for friendship? Mostly based on the conversation. If me and dia and sesiapapun senang berbual, that's mean we can be friends. But, if you look snobbish or macam tak nak layan jer, that's it.

I still believe I do have that dreaded curse. I dont know, everytime there's someone coming in my life, and bila semakin rapat, dan rapat, somehow series of unfortunate events happened, we drifted apart. Banyak. I dont know whether I can reconnect with them.

p/s Another one is going to be close to me. Tak tau la adakah the dreaded curse will fall on the person juga. :)

Sleeping Trouble!

2012-01-09T04:02:00.002+08:00

Lately, I have trouble with my sleep. Sekarang, it took me looong way to get to sleep, especially at night. I dont know. Maybe I've got banyak sangat benda dalam fikiran. Yes, I can hide it with a smile, but eventually diri sendiri tahu di mana fikiran kita menerawang. Now at 4 am in the morning, I still can't get any sleep, which is something that bothering me. And in the weekend and holidays, my sleep selalu lama, I ended up waking up 3 - 4 pm, and my body is tired. I dont know. Tidur lebih ker, tidur kurang ker, I still feel tired.

Last night, I was sleeping on my lappie, tak sangka boleh tertidur, which is weird for me, as I dont do any athletic things that require me to sweat. Ok, maybe it's just a phase. I need a good sleep. with a sweet dreams, not a beautiful nightmare, as it tiring me out.

p/s Thanks to all of you.

Kekecewaan Di Dalam Hati!

2012-01-02T03:09:00.004+08:00

Dari dahulu sampai sekarang, saya tak pernah berani untuk melakukan sebarang perubahan. Why fix if it aint broken, right? Saya cukup takutkan perubahan. Saya tak mahu apabila saya berubah, saya dapat yang lebih teruk daripada apa yang saya ada sekarang. Orang kata sungguh senang, berubah lebih baik katanya daripada langsung tiada perubahan. Tapi bila kita sudah berubah, dan ternyata pilihan perubahan itu mendatangkan keburukan, orang yang bercakap itu pasti sudah tiada bila kita mengharapkan sokongannya.

Kerja memang bosan. Tapi saya tak mahu mencari yang lain. Lagipun bukan senang untuk menjalani proses itu semula. Ianya meletihkan. Apatah lagi kita tiada kemahiran khusus. Ada kalanya kita menjadi takut untuk bertukar ke territori yang lain, kerana kita tidak tahu bagaimana orang lain menerima kita sedangkan kita selesa di dalam lingkungan orang yang sudah tahu bagaimana kita dan mereka menerimanya.

Kadang-kadang terasa diri seperti Susan Mayer. Semua perkara dilakukan pasti akhirnya berkecamuk dan mendatangkan masalah. Segala kebaikan yang dilakukan bagaikan tidak dipedulikan. Masih tersisih. Saya mencari kawan yang sentiasa ada bila saya ingin meluahkan sesuatu. Tapi saya tidak tahu apa masalah saya sehingga kebanyakan mereka menyisihkan saya, dan saya terus bersendirian. Saya selesa bersendirian, kerana saya takut apabila ada orang menjadi kawan saya, dia akan kecewakan saya. Dan hari ini saya kecewa lagi. Teramat kecewa bila saya akhirnya menjadi mangsa sisihan. Itu sentiasa berlaku dari dulu lagi bukan? Mungkin benar saya ini tidak sesuai berkawan dengan sesiapapun.

Menahan Diri!

2011-12-26T08:00:00.001+08:00

Menahan diri. Kita selalu cuba menahan diri dari melakukan benda-benda yang sepatutnya tidak kita lakukan. Kita banyak menegah diri kita dari melakukan itu, membuat ini, semuanya agar kita dapat membina satu pandangan yang kondusif terhadap diri kita. Namun, ada kala walaupun kita berusaha menahan diri, masih juga tidak dapat mengawal sekelumit nafsu yang masih ada. Bak kata pepatah (adaker), sekecil nafsu boleh menewaskan segerombolan manusia. Walau bagaimanapun, bila terbiasa menahan diri, ia bagaikan satu kebiasaan. Kebiasaan yang membentuk warna seseorang.

By the way, we only have a week this year. And I can conclude that this year was totally a bad year. I guess God want to punish me to be poor. I hope it doesnt continue till next year.

Aduh Nobita!

2011-12-14T23:00:00.002+08:00

Sungguh malang nasib Nobita. Dapat keluarga yang semuanya tidak boleh. Mau beli itu, tak boleh. Hendak minta tolong ini, diserakah balik Ibu Nobita yang garang. Kasihan Nobita. Bila Suneo selalu menunjuk bahawa keluarganya sentiasa beri apa yang dia mahukan, Nobita hanya telan air liur. Dan berlari sambil menangis menuju ke arah Doraemon sambil memujuk supaya Doraemon mengeluarkan sesuatu dari kantung 4 dimensinya agar hatinya kembali ceria.

Acapkali bila keluarga Suneo pergi melancong, Nobita hanya senyum, menahan gundah di hati. Sekali lagi malang Nobita, bila sahaja dia suarakan keinginannya mahu pergi melancong bersama keluarga, tinggi sekali suara Ibu Nobita membantah. Tak ada gunanya katanya. Membazir. Apabila Suneo ada permainan baru dan canggih, Nobita hanya gigit jari. Minta dengan Ibu Nobita, sorry, menangis tak berlagu lah dimarahi beliau. Nasib baik ada Doraemon.

Namun, apabila Doraemon tiada di sisi, bagaimanakah kehidupan Nobita? Sentiasa di rundung duka. Dalam hati Nobita mungkin tertanya-tanya, mengapakah dia berada di keluarga yang sekarang? Mungkin lebih baik dia dilahirkan dalam keluarga Suneo. Nobita merasa sangat kecewa. Nobita cuma meminta tolong, tapi apa yang dia dapat? Penolakan dan rejeksi. Keluarga apa yang bila pertolongan diperlukan langsung tidak mahu memberi bantuan????

Biarlah. Kasihan Nobita. Mendapat keluarga yang tidak faham apa dia mahu. Dan pasti bila tiada terluah, berbuku di hati menjadi dendam.

Sudut Pengharapan!

2011-12-02T23:00:00.002+08:00

Aku sedar bukan mudah
Untuk mengejar mimpi indah
Pernah suatu ketika
Dulu kupunya harapan besar
Kini aku tak pasti
Dapatkah ku miliki

Kadang-kadang, bila kita mengharap benar sesuatu, apabila ianya tidak benar-benar mencapai at least the minimum target, kita pasti berasa sedikit kecewa. Meskipun sudah kita semaikan di hati kita, jangan terlalu mengharap, besederhana dalam pengharapan, tetapi hati itu bukan mudah untuk dipujuk. Jauh di satu sudut yang terpendam, harapan yang tinggi itu masih ada. Cuma mungkin apabila kita berjaya memperosokkan perasaan tersebut, maka luka kecewa yang ada tidaklah terlalu dalam. Masih kecewa, tapi sedikit.

Apa harapan saya sebenarnya? Biarlah dipendam. Cuma apa yang saya boleh bagi tau adalah saya benchmarkkan seseorang sebagai the greatest desire I want to be.

P/S Dulu saya pernah tulis di sini, malah pernah berkata bahawa hope, when you dont know, is the best lie in the world. Memang. Masih lagi saya berfikiran yang sama.

Jadilah Diri Sendiri!

2011-11-28T00:00:00.000+08:00

Ada ramai di dunia yang indah ini suka kata jadilah diri sendiri. Be who you are. Memang, diakui harus menjadi diri sendiri, bukan sesiapa pun. Kadang-kadang menjadi diri sendiri susah. Bergantung kepada apa yang anda mahu. Kalau anda jadi diri sendiri seadanya, dan masih ramai yang menyukai anda, tahniah! Anda mungkin antara mereka yang hidupnya oh so glamorous intrend!!

Tapi apa pula berlaku jika anda jadi diri sendiri seadanya, dan orang masih tak suka? Wouldnt it be right to change the whole everything? I bet most of you akan kata lantaklah, peduli apa orang lain. Which I believe, orang yang kata macam itu adalah mereka yang tergolong dalam golongan yang disebutkan dalam perenggan pertama itu. Dan tidak ramai yang berada dalam golongan kedua yang lebih awkward, sedikit terasing dari orang yang biasa.

Bila kita nampak orang lain lebih baik, sudah tentu ada rasa cemburu. Dan kita bertanya kenapa dia menjadi diri sendiri, dan disukai semua orang. Rasa cemburu tiada salah, asalkan kita tidak melakukan apa-apa yang tidak sesuai untuk melampiaskan rasa itu. Menjadi diri sendiri dengan berubah mengikut keadaan, itulah yang cuba dilakukan.

P/S Nampaknya, Blake sudah keluar dari list, dan I'm welcoming Damian(subject to change accordingly) to replace Blake. Whatever it is :)

Memang Syok Sendiri Pun!!

2011-11-20T23:00:00.000+08:00

Deep down inside kita nak jadi macam HZ. Tapi hidup kita amatlah mundane. Sangat takde benda cantik macam dalam gambar-gambar blog dia.

Jauh di sudut hati, kita nak jadi macam HR. Tapi kita tak pandai sindir-sindir manja macam dia buat. Kita bukan kategori ABA mcm dia. Sindir-sindir pun berpuluh-puluh komen dia dapat. Kita pun tak dapat tiket free pegi segala macam event di dunia glamour. LoL.

Di sebalik berpura-pura tidak mahu mengikut arus perdana, kita nak jadi macam DA. Tapi kita takde benda-benda bernas yang nak dikatakan. Semua cerita tentang diri kita sahaja. Balik-balik marah Orang Yang Di Atas Langit Ke Tujuh, marah diri sendiri, dan bermacam keluh kesah Mak Esah yang langsung tidak berkaitan dengan orang lain, melainkan diri sendiri. Kita tak pandai gubah-gubah bunga, buat interior decoration ala-ala Eric Leong, mahupun bergaya sehensem dia.

Siapa kata kita tak mau jadi NR? Cuma kita tak pandai nak buat bideo-bideo kreatif. Muka kita pun tak makan bideo. Bak kata Tyra Banks, kena pandai cari sudut yang betul, supaya cahaya yang menyimbah muka kita nampak tepat dan placing kita kena betul. Dan Tyra Banks pun kadang-kadang menipu, katanya perfection is boring, sementelahan pula 'perfection' itu kadang-kadang barulah buat orang excited tengok kita.

Tapi kita suka komen blog orang. Especially blog yang ada option letak nama sahaja. Memang setiap kali online kita pegi tau. Kadang-kadang kita cuma bagi pendapat sahaja, dia nak terima tu terpulanglah. Cuma kita dah jarang blogwalking. Dulu kita selalu buat, ala-ala artis baru naik kena bergambar di kolam renang Hotel Quality dengan tagline "Berenang Untuk Kesihatan" (ala majalah mana lagi, mesti tau kan!). Tapi sekarang dah malas. Lagipun kita suka pegi blog yang dah biasa kita pegi. Yang baru-baru ni tengoklah macam mana kandungan dia. Kalau best, bagi komen. Kalau tak best tekan up, tekan down dan kelik butang x kat tepi tab dia. (Tapi kita juga ada baca senyap (silent reader), masalahnya blog dia popular sangat takut orang sepam, so kena log in untuk komen, which is kita pun malas.)

Jadi, itulah sebabnya kenapa kita tak buat promosi blog. Kita malu dengan diri sendiri. Terima kasih kepada dadyG yang komen kat shoutbox, sebab beri idea apa kita nak tulis pada malam ini. LoL.

Miskin itu!

2011-11-16T23:00:00.001+08:00

Miskin itu susah. Miskin itu tiada banyak duit.

Miskin itu meresahkan fikiran.

Miskin itu berlapar. Miskin itu bila mana tiada siapa dapat tolong, atau hendak diminta tolong.

Miskin itu sad. Miskin itu pathetic.

Miskin itu terpaksa menunggu. Miskin itu sentiasa malang.

Miskin itu tiada ketenangan fikiran.

Miskin itu sentiasa berangan, agar dapat lupakan masalah.

Miskin itu ...................................... bagaikan lara di jawa.

ABA!

2011-11-15T23:33:00.003+08:00

Orang kata, mesti ko sebenarnya jealous sebab ko sorang jer yang rasa dia annoying. Entah, maybe yer kot. Annoying but adorable. (ABA).

Meh aku nak definisikan apa itu ABA. Secara kefahaman istilahnya, ABA merujuk kepada seseorang/sekumpulan/seekor yang pada pandangan mata/fikiran kita adalah sangat menjengkelkan/minta puji/c***i sangat, tetapi pandangan itu tidak dikongsi oleh orang lain, malah orang lain menganggap individu ini sangat comel, baik dan cool.

Aku ada sorang rakan muka buku, aku rasa status dia annoying sangat. Konon-konon dia being himself, tapi kadang-kadang aku menyampah tengok status dia. Strangely, banyak pula orang yang like status dia. Komen-komenan pun memanjang jer. Ok, maybe orang lain x rasa annoying. Tapi aku rasa jengkel. (Nampak sangat tuan punya blog jeles dengan orang status menyampah itu..hahahaha).

Aku rasalah kan, dia ni sama jenis budak kechik. Hahaha. So, I think I need to unsubscribe your status updates. So long. XOXO.

P/S Ok. Aku rajin update. Hehehe.

Observer!

2011-11-15T00:57:00.003+08:00

I'm mostly an observer. It's not that I love to observe, but it's untrained skill that I have. Kinda like how Melinda in Ghost Whisperer. Kadang-kadang I can detect most people di dunia maya yang indah ini, kat dunia luar. LoL.

Ada yang memang cantik/hensem kat gambar, tapi kat luar ...oooooo...mcm tu rupanya. Actually sama jer sebenarnya dengan tuan yang tengah menulis ni. (Gambar sahaja smart, tapi not everyday mcm tu). But I did proud of my unwanted abilities (katanya) I manage to spot some famous (lebih famous dari aku) blogger macam....... hahahaha.

I did not know when I started developing the skills. Was it masa tengok caulerpa dulu? (Which I get B- for that stupid thing?)

Oklah, I cant write much. Takde banyak idea. Semua ini hasil insepsi minda yang telah disettingkan terlalu sangat untuk mengidolakan Paris Hilton. LoL. Masa untuk berubah.

Low!

2011-11-12T22:19:00.002+08:00

To face the lowest point of your life, sometime all you need is an absent mind.

Brace yourself. A few weeks to go before everything is settle.

Long Pause Of Silent!

2011-10-24T00:00:00.000+08:00

Aaaah. The long pause of silent. Well, i got no idea. I've been stuck. Being so long as Paris Hilton wannabe is actually make you dumber. LoL.

I just want to find the old strength. Bila mana kekuatan itu mampu menjadi tunggak kehidupan. Right now, I feel lifeless. Masih mencari sisa-sisa kekuatan yang ada.

Dont worry. I'm the good actor yang pandai sembunyikan semua. Well, I couldn't find somebody yang I can trust, to let it all out. Mostly, they dont understand what, and how I think. Tapi tidak mengapa. :)

Song To Be Inspired Sekali Lagi

2011-09-27T23:00:00.003+08:00

Get It Right

What have I done? I wish I could run
Away from this ship goin’ under
Just tryin’ to help, hurt everyone else
Now I feel the weight of the world is
On my shoulders

What can you do when your good isn’t good enough?
When all that you touch tumbles down?
‘Cause my best intentions keep making a mess of things
I just wanna fix it somehow

But how many times will it take?
Oh, how many times will it take for me?
To get it right
To get it right

Can I start again with my faith shaken?
‘Cause I can’t go back and undo this
I just have to stay and face my mistakes
But if I get stronger and wiser
I’ll get through this

What can you do when your good isn’t good enough?
When all that you touch tumbles down?
‘Cause my best intentions keep making a mess of things
I just wanna fix it somehow

But how many times will it take?
Oh, how many times will it take for me?
To get it right

So I throw up my fist
Throw a punch in the air
And accept the truth that sometimes life isn’t fair
Yeah, I’ll send down a wish
Yeah, I’ll send up a prayer
And finally, someone will see
How much I care

What can you do when your good isn’t good enough?
When all that you touch tumbles down?
Ohh, my best intentions keep making a mess of things
I just wanna fix it somehow

But how many it times will it take?
Oh, how many times will it take?
To get it right

To get it right

P/S Song to be Inspired kembali lagi. As (kalaulah kan) semua orang tahu, it would never be like 100 top songs by someone, but biasanya antara lagu-lagu yang menyentuh perasaan dan sukar digambarkan dengan perkataan (sama ada gembira atau sedih, and everything in between).

Lagu ini merupakan original song daripada Glee, nyanyian Rachel Berry (Lea Michelle). The reason why I love the song for the moment is, it's truly what my feelings are right now. Enjoy!

Jatuh Lubang Lagi!

2011-09-18T06:09:00.002+08:00

Apa malangnya diri. Berkali-kali jatuh di lubang yang sama. Kalau dulu ada yang membantu. Kali ini tidak pasti siapa dapat membantu. Terlalu mudah dikaburkan dengan pandangan emas nun jauh di mata. Namun, pabila didekati, emas menghilang...yang tinggal cuma pasir-pasir berkilauan. Sedih, namun tiada apa yang mampu dilakukan. Apa yang tinggal hanya secebis harapan.

Begitulah kehidupan marhaen. Sentiasa dirundung kesulitan. Alangkah bertuahnya jika lahir dengan sudu emas di tangan. Worse of all, we can never blame HIM.

p/s Kadang-kadang hati perlukan suryakanta.

Kekuatan Diri!

2011-09-11T00:31:00.002+08:00

Bukan senang nak buat diri menjadi kuat. Kuat di sini bukanlah bermaksud boleh mengangkat 100kg bebanan dengan mudah. Atau menewaskan sesiapa dalam pertandingan tinju. Apa yang dimaksudkan adalah kuat dari segi perasaan dan hati. Namun, tidak ada salahnya sekali sekala air mata jatuh.

Tapi, I'm trying not to let that happen to me. Lagipun, sekiranya I am emotionally weak, adalah susah untuk moving forward. Mungkin orang kata, I'm just hiding my emotion and feeling. It's okay. Kadang kala teringin nak berpaut pada dahan. But I realize, that was not going to happen to me.

p/s Kalau aku asyik nak mengenang kesunyian sahaja, sampai bila pun aku tak boleh rasa gembira. LoL.

Festivities and Kampung!

2011-09-02T21:49:00.002+08:00

To be honest, I dont actually like balik kampung. My lame excuse, as you all know from the past seasons of my diary (itupun kalau korang memang pembaca dari dulu), is i dont want to feel out of place. I pun dah lupa apa istilah aku pakai dulu. What ever it is, I realize is i'm not really kampung type of guy. Not even small town, although I admitted that I am from the small town.

I should realize that I never should take long holidays for balik kampung. I missed the sense of loneliness, and it kills me that I can't go/order McD for one whole week. Some people would throw a stone to me because I said that, but not everyone got kampung like the television display. Funny thing is, I saw Aznil running happily dalam citer apa ntah dia gembira sangat balik kampung. But actually kampung dia kat tengah bandar kl tu kannnn?

I might be okay, if I stay in kampung one or two days. But, after the whole week, I can't go anywhere. There's no way to go at this small town, and i'm counting back days before I can reach the airport again.

Owh!

2011-08-28T05:16:00.003+08:00

Kadang-kadang even the smallest thing makes you jealous................

Owh well, always the jealous Scorpions. :)

Kalau Ada Duit!!!!

2011-08-23T00:31:00.007+08:00

Duit tak boleh beli kebahagiaan. Begitulah kata seorang kakak office yang setiap hari memberi nasihat, bagaikan ibu ku lagaknya.

Ni semua dunia. Statement tawaduk dari seorang lagi akak office aku yang kelass.

Memang. Duit tak boleh beli kebahagiaan. Mahupun kesihatan hidup. Tapi duit memudahkan segalanya. Kalau ada duit, boleh bawa famili pegi bercuti, pegi makan-makan mahupun pegi membeli belah. Kalau ada duit, boleh beli banyak-banyak mesin Al-Jabbar tu (LoL). Kalau ada duit, boleh beli satu gym dan hire personal trainer. Memang tak boleh beli kesihatan. Tapi boleh beli barang-barang kesihatan untuk meningkatkan kesihatan kan?

Duit memang tak boleh kegembiraan. Tapi kalau ada duit boleh pegi makan Madam Kwan kan? (hahaha). Boleh beli PSP, XBox. Kalau banyak duit boleh beli penthouse, sambil berangan ala-ala Siti Nurhaliza siap dengan kolam renang sekali. (Ok, ada sesetengah orang mungkin nak beli banglo.LoL). Kalau ada duit, pasti boleh beraya dengan gembira kan?

Apa pentingnya duit? Orang kata duit tak boleh bawak mati. Tuhan pun tak pandang berapa banyak duit yang kau ada, tapi seberapa banyak amal yang kau buat dengan ikhlas. Jadi perluker duit yang banyak?

For me, sangat perlu. Duit adalah precursor to everything that we do. Kalau bukan kerana duit, kita takkan terkejar-kejar menaiki transit aliran ringan, bersusah payah memandu untuk pergi kerja. Nasib baiklah kerja merompak, mencuri tu adalah salah di sisi undang-undang. Kalau tak, maybe ramai yang nak buat. (Ok, aku rasa aku jer kot. )

Kenapa aku bercakap pasal duit? Duit tu segala-galanya bagi aku kah?

It could be. Sometime it's a friend to a lonely person. And it can boost your confidence. Oh , well.

Air Yang Tenang!

2011-08-11T22:15:00.003+08:00

Kadang-kadang bila sesuatu itu nampak indah, baik dan tenang tidak perlu diusik. Biarkan sahaja. Bagaikan air sungai yang mengalir jernih. Namun, bila kita cuba baling batu ke dalamnya, atau meloncat terjun, sudah pasti hilang ketenangan air tersebut. Air bertukar menjadi keruh.

p/s Saya bukan baik. Saya manusia biasa yang punya kekurangan. Saya sentiasa cuba melakukan yang terbaik. Seharusnya banyak yang ingin diungkapkan. Terutama dari segi keikhlasan. But, I think, itu sahaja. Bak nyanyian Najwa, Senyum..tak perlu kata apa-apa :)

p/s Semakin dekat! Semoga ia membawa rahmat.

Being Nice!

2011-08-08T22:30:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, being nice is making people run away from you. They tagged you as hypocrite. But if you are rude, and smash everyone around, you were pegged as "real". I think so. Maybe that was why they all avoiding me.

Song To Be Inspired The Series Again!

2011-08-05T23:00:00.001+08:00

The Beautiful People

Burlesque

Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful

The girls are flipping their hair back

You see them looking so perfect

Like from another planet

All of the beautiful people

Shining like diamonds

They got no problems

Always smile for the cameras

Stealing the spotlight, living the high life

‘Cause it’s the

Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, people they want (it’s the)

Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, people they flaunt (it’s the)

Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful

People they love, yeah

Uh, so you wanna be famous

And undeniably sexy

You wanna be so outrageous

Oh oh oh oh oh oh

All of the beautiful people

Shining like diamonds

They got no problems

Always smile for the cameras

Stealing the spotlight, living the high life

‘Cause it’s the

Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, people they want (it’s the)

Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, people they flaunt (it’s the)

Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful

People they love (it’s the)

Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, people they want (it’s the)

Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, people they flaunt (it’s the)

Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful

People they love, yeah

You say I wanna be

I wanna be just like

One of the beautiful people

Ay, ay, ay, ay

The beautiful people, the beautiful people

The beautiful people, the beautiful people (it’s the beautiful people)

The beautiful people, the beautiful people (yeah..)

The beautiful people they love, hey yeah

All of the beautiful people, wanna be

Don’t you wanna be like

All of the beautiful people, wanna be

Don’t you wanna be like

Hey, people, people they love

Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, people they want (it’s the)

Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, people they flaunt (it’s the)

Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful

People they love (it’s the)

Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, people they want (it’s the)

Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, people they flaunt (it’s the)

Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful

People they love, yeah

Super beautiful, yeah they all just wanna be

So super beautiful, ain’t really what it seems

Everybody wants, everybody wants a piece

So super beautiful, they all wanna be, yeah yeah

The beautiful people, the beautiful people

Lagu ni merupakan lagu penutup credit bagi filem Burlesque, yang dibintangi oleh Christina Aguilera dan Cher. Biasa siapa yang nampak tulisan naik masa tengok filem ni hari tu dan terus nak cabut, mesti tak perasan punya. I was surprised actually that the song was actually a remake from Marilyn Manson. Being the pop person, the Marilyn Manson's version was...................(silalah isi tempat sendiri..hihihi). This is one of the song that I really like in the soundtrack. Sebabnya.....(nyanyilah ikut lirik itu...lol).

p/s dah dua tiga kali asyik dengar lagu ni. Especially pagi dan petang, pegi dan balik kerja.

I hate it!

2011-07-31T22:00:00.000+08:00

Owh. It's coming again. And I think you know, I hate it so much, at least for the moment. Something so noble and blessing to human everywhere, and why would I loathe it?

I never say that I dont like the compulsary thing. It's just that it becomes more lonelier, especially at this time of the year. Yes, it gets to you, although most of the time you dont really care about it, but something sad will be coming, particularly in the early days of the month.

I hope it's just a phase, and I'm looking forward where when It's coming, I love it. But for now, let's just say i'm not excited for it. Happy Ramadhan everyone.

Awkward!

2011-07-28T00:28:00.002+08:00

Sepatutnya it should not be awkward. How can something that is usual can be awkward? That's what happening to me. I mean, I want to try, but somehow it feels silence. And somehow it was speechless. Mencuba berkata sesuatu, namun bagai ada sesuatu tersekat di rongga makhraj di mana suara dikeluarkan.

Senyap.........

Pelik. Mula-mula dahulu, semua macam lancar. Bila sudah ternampak, rasa awkwardness pun bermula. My question is, do I need to make my move?

Situasi!

2011-07-21T23:31:00.003+08:00

Sudah lama tidak menulis tampalan dalam bahasa melayu. Sementelahan pula, hari demi hari berkomunikasi dalam bahasa melayu. Mungkin agak mudah untuk mengekspresikan diri dalam bahasa kebangsaan London. Bunyinya sedap bila di baca. Hihihi.

Kembali ke landasan utama. Mari kita bincangkan satu situasi. Situasi ini tidak berkaitan dengan keruncingan kewangan yang dialami oleh saya sejak beberapa bulan ini. Ianya juga tidak berkaitan dengan siapa yang saya suka atau tidak.

Di sini saya berikan satu situasi. Anda kenal seorang kawan. Dan anda berkawan baik dengannya setelah beberapa lama. Cuma, kadang-kadang anda rasa meluat dengannya. Adakah maksudnya anda berhati busuk? Sepertinya semua orang suka dia, tidak kira apa sahaja dilakukan, betapa pun menjengkelkan dia tetap disukai. Hmmm, macam pernah dengar kan situasi ni, selalu sahaja di alami terutama tuan yang menulis ni. Haish.

Saya masih cuba untuk menjadi jengkel dan semua orang menyukai saya, tapi saya rasa ia kurang berjaya. Makin dibenci adalah. Maka, saya tetap menjadi seorang yang baik dan bersopan santun, dan saya pun mula mengutuk di dalam hati.

p/s Saya meletak gambar kerana ada orang kata tampalan saya banyak perkataan. Nah , saya berikan gambar yang bersesuaian dengan tampalan ni. KTB.

Waiting!

2011-07-10T20:12:00.003+08:00

Remember how I keep chanting here that something gonna change? Well, it still gonna wait for a longer time. Should be okay, if some people do their work honestly and not cheating. Forget about that, I'm moving on even it makes me fall tremendously. I hope this one will work out. But I hate waiting. That's all.

P/S I'm not in the mood for anything fun rite now. I wish I could, but reality falls back on me. Hope this will be temporary.

What is the real me?!

2011-07-04T22:03:00.002+08:00

I'm struggling. I dont know how long I can put on my poker face. Is that mean I got two different personalities? I dont know.

Are what I'm doing is contradiciting what my heart and thought want to? Is really no sincerity in what I do?

Maybe some people see that I'm not sincere. Probably they're right. I am not sincere.

P/S Waiting is torture! Feel weak to do everyday chores. God help me through this time.

The One Who Get Sided!

2011-06-26T21:52:00.004+08:00

Sometimes, it's hard to be the one who get sided everytime. The one who people left and choose the other, as there is not much attraction. And you dont want to push people, because it makes you look like desperate. Well, only you should know that you are desperate, not everyone else around you.

In another related subject, sometimes it 's also hard to try to get in into the social clique. You think that when you are nice to them, you easily can get access, but the truth is, they still dont accept you whole heartedly. And there you are, sitting on the couch watching tv, waiting anxiously whether they want to invite you or not, but it seems pointless, as you already know where you belong.

And, you get jealous, because another people can get access to the clique faster, and well received by them. What is wrong ?? Did something bad happen, and that's why you always been sided? As much as you treat people oh so nice, but people wont coming back to you. You still dont know what the problem.

Kata Suka Lagi!!

2011-06-21T21:47:00.004+08:00

Bagaimana anda tau yang anda cinta dia? Sukar untuk digambarkan. Tapi kalau suka, memang tau. Seperti yang dikatakan dalam tampalan sebelum ni, memang ramai yang keliru mengenai suka dan cinta. Cinta itu sememangnya suka, tapi suka itu tidak semestinya cinta. Dan suka boleh berkembang kepada cinta.

Sebenarnya, Joey sendiri pun kurang faham macam mana bila suka sudah jadi cinta. Kadang-kadang bila difikirkan, hairan juga macam mana sesetengah orang boleh beberapa kali jatuh cinta dan juga putus cinta. Is that truly love??

For me, I always afraid of love, and juga like (semestinya la kan). If I like someone, I will never take the first step. I might give a hint, but to be bold enough admitting I like you is disaster. Crazy. Stupid. Entahla. To be honest, I am afraid of rejection.

Adalah lebih baik kalau orang yang suka Joey. I selalu tailor-based my suka kepada sayang to that particular person kalau orang tu terlebih dahulu yang memulakan langkah. I think that is what happened when I was with someone 3 years ago. I even have post about it kannn??? (Kalau rajin cariler...hihihi)

p/s Saya suka seseorang. Tapi tak bermakna cinta kan? Suka tengok jer...... :P

Kata Suka!

2011-06-14T23:48:00.003+08:00

Kita suka seseorang. Suka, tak bermakna cinta. Tapi ya, cinta memang bermula daripada suka. Dan masih ada yang masih lagi suka mencampur adukkan suka dan cinta. Dia suka si polan ini, si polan yang ini pun layan baik.. terus declare kami sudah "in a relationship".

Dan cinta itu memerlukan kita mengenali hati budi. Yang kita cuba dalami dalam tempoh tertentu. Bukan dalam masa sehari. Bila mana kita cinta, biarpun dia kusut masai rambutnya. Kita cinta dia, biarpun dia sudah di simbah asid sampai hilangnya seri di mukanya yang lawanya itu.

Cuma, sangat bahaya bila suka dan cinta sudah menjadi obsesi. Obsesi, bila kita tidak berpijak di alam realiti. Kita masih mengharap, sedangkan dia sudah jauh berjalan ke depan.

Kadang kala obsesi bisa mengaburi kompas akal, dan demi obsesi ada yang sanggup melakukan apa sahaja, seperti menipu misalnya agar obsesinya tercapai.

p/s tidak memahami betapa kompleksnya suka, cinta dan obsesi. Dan bila ketiga-tiganya mula bercampur aduk, pastinya kejujuran itu sukar untuk ditelah.

I dig this one!

2011-06-10T18:38:00.006+08:00

Actually I nak post lagu lain. Tapi, I rasa tak perlulah. Lebih baik positif dengar lagu ni. :)

P/s Malas nak letak lirik. Jumpa lagu ni secara kebetulan. Tetiba stuck in my head :)

Kemelesetan Ekonomi!

2011-06-05T21:22:00.003+08:00

One thing about me that I notice right now is, I hate going out. Without sufficient money, that is. I mean memang ada orang kalau duit tinggal 5 ringgit dalam dompet pun still bleh gi hang out dengan kawan-kawan. I simply cannot do that. At least if I want to hang out, maximum is 100.

I am not saying I am "money eyes", but I just dont feel comfortable bila takde duit. Seriously, there's a lot of people want to hang out with me sekarang (kekwat sungguh..hihihi), but I tak nak. Sebabnya, ekonomi meleset.

But, if ada duit, I'll be the most generous person in the world. I bleh belanja korang makan, pegi karaoke and everything, tertakluk kepada bajet yer. Well, you can ask some of my friends..(matilaaa..kekwat lagikkkk).

Kesimpulannya, kalau saya tak nak hang out tu, maksudnya saya takde duit ler, bukan sebab anda...hihihi

Bersendirian!

2011-05-30T00:18:00.002+08:00

"bersendirian sambil menonton porn adalah sesuatu yang tidak sihat. Penat nak bersihkan diri tau. Ahaks!"

Irony!

2011-05-17T23:16:00.002+08:00

Have you think about the irony? Sometimes, when you think that you hate someone, for whatever reason that only you know, it actually will never grow to hatred. You push so much to hate, but eventually you know, you could never hate someone so much. That's what happen to me. I thought I could be the Snow Queen, but eventually all I can pull of is a Cinderella.

I just have to admit the fact that I'm generally generous. :)

Hampir Ke Situ!

2011-05-15T21:40:00.002+08:00

Orang kata manusia sentiasa berubah. Sampai ada pepatah London mengatakan, the only constant thing in life is change.

Tiada siapa yang mahu kekal di keadaannya, biarpun berasa selesa, kerana jika tidak kerana mahukan perubahan, pasti ada faktor yang lain yang menyebabkan perubahan.

Tersedar, kerana apabila melihat orang lain maju ke hadapan, sedangkan kita masih lagi termanggu-manggu memikirkan arah kita. Kita nampak semua jalan yang ada, cuma kita tidak pasti jalan manakah yang boleh menentukan arah kita yang sebenarnya.

Untuk berubah, kekuatan diri dan semangat amatlah penting. Tanpa adanya motivasi ini, maka kita hanya berangan tanpa perancangan.

Kita hanya sedar kita ketinggalan, apabila kita melihat kemajuan orang lain. Kita anggap kita sudah banyak kemajuan, rupa-rupanya tidak, malah masih lagi berada di bawah. Sesuatu perlu dilakukan, agar kita tak merasa tersisih.

p/s Terkesan di sebabkan sesuatu. Tidak mau lagi Paris Hilton. Maybe Anne Hathaway. Hahaha.

Song To Inspired Lagi!!

2011-05-04T18:04:00.003+08:00

Landslide

I took my love and I took it down
I climbed a mountain and I turned around
And I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills
Well the landslide brought me down

Oh, mirror in the sky
What is love
Can the child within my heart rise above
Can I sail through the changing ocean tides
Can I handle the seasons of my life

Well, I've been afraid of changing
'cause I built my life around you
But time makes bolder
Children get older
I'm getting older too
Well...

Well, I've been afraid of changing 'cause I built my life around you
But time makes bolder
Children get older
I'm getting older, too
Well I'm getting older too

So, take this love and take it down
Year and if you climb a mountain and ya turn around
And if you see my reflection in the snow-covered hills
Well the landslide brought me down
And if you see my reflection in the snow-covered hills
Well maybe
Well maybe
Well maybe the landslide will bring you down

Thanks to this song, I know about Dixie Chicks. Well, my current song is always not so up to date, kan? This song reflect how I am today. I can't explain more, because the lyrics say so :).

P/S Something going to change soon. :)

Happy but.....!

2011-04-27T11:34:00.001+08:00

Kadang kala bila kita gembira, ada saja perasaan yang mengganggu kita.

Orang lain tidak akan faham, masing-masing sibuk dengan hal masing-masing, sibuk dengan kekasih, sibuk dengan kerja, sibuk dengan handphone dan bermacam-macam lagi. They dont really care about others.

Secara jujurnya, dalam hidup ni aku pun tak tahu apa yang aku cari. Aku rasa aku bukanlah jahat sangat, tapi mungkin pada pandangan mereka aku tidak ikhlas. Maybe they're right.

Pepatah orang London ada berkata, no man is an island, but i guess, i am an island.

Dan aku rasa belum pernah lagi aku menganiayai orang atau melakukan sesuatu yang sangat buruk terhadap orang lain.

Apa yang aku cuba lakukan adalah sehabis baik untuk berbuat baik dan tidak menyakitkan hati sesiapa, namun aku rasa kecewa dengan apa yang aku dapat.

Bila cuba meluahkan, semua menganggapnya remeh. Tapi, bila mereka meluahkan, aku cuba jadi pendengar setia.

Entahlah, adakah aku memang disconnected dengan sesiapa pun??

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Thank You God!

2011-04-19T03:23:00.003+08:00

I guess God is fair after all. I thought when something end, so goes your world. But it is not that what happened. I just realize that He actually open some more options for me, as I dont need that only option as a support.

Life must go on, and I have try to leave all the sadness behind. More of happy things to come.

p/s Going to the north. Sila baca surat khabar :)

Tinggalkan Diriku!

2011-04-12T21:32:00.004+08:00

Saya sudah biasa ditinggalkan. Jika ada pilihan antara sekian-sekian orang dan saya, pastinya saya ditinggalkan. Maka tinggalkanlah saya. Apa yang saya ada cuma membuat semua orang menjauhkan diri. Apa yang saya lakukan adalah satu kesalahan. Maka biarkanlah saya.

Tapi tidak mengapa. Saya juga sudah biasa bersendirian. Saya sudah biasa selesaikan masalah saya sendiri, saya juga boleh beli barangan yang saya mahu sendiri, saya juga boleh tengok wayang sendiri. Pendek kata, saya dan diri saya adalah kawan baik yang amat rapat.

Saya awkward, saya suka mendesak orang, dan daripada menyusahkan orang lebih baik saya sendiri sahaja. Tidak mengapa. Ia seperti sebuah sumpahan. The curse after meeting people. But I get a good first impression. Sometimes.

p/s Baiklah. Saya akan mula berhenti menyebutnya. Saya sepatutnya ikut nasihat diri sendiri. But hitting that button adalah sepatutnya yang saya lakukan. Sekian.

Tiba Masa!

2011-04-11T12:53:00.002+08:00

Sudah sampai masanya.

Tidak perlu terasa hati lagi.

Penjelasan sudah diberi.

Lebih baik teruskan saja hidup daripada mengenang masa lalu.

p/s Wohow....saya bakal mendapat blakey!!! We lose something, we gain something :)

Understand!

2011-04-04T11:38:00.002+08:00

Some people expect to be understand. Some people need to be listen. Some people draw all attention to them. They forget that everyone around them have feeling. But who actually care for your feeling anyway?

I, for instance, I never really care about others. But, being human, mulut dan perkataan tu jer yang kata never really care. Tapi, there are some incidents that show I care.

I am always on the cycle. Everyone that I've ever met, kinda go in one type of cycle. Ok, the blame is on me, and previously I've said that when people are ignoring you, that means you have to let it go.

P/S Reduce is key of the week :)

Splurge of the Day!

2011-04-01T17:43:00.002+08:00

I treat myself today. Most of my problematic things have been solved. I always want a man bag. I got it at Padini. But, next time, I want to buy that Coach men beg. Walaupun kata si Rahmah, Coach ni kan cashier supermarket kat Paris jer yang pakai.....Amboiiii!

P/s Retest, reappointment,rebuy..next week :)

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Back to Basic!

2011-03-27T02:41:00.003+08:00

Owh. I told you that I'm not busy kan? So, since got nothing to do, well, I might have write something here. Life after the week is coming back again. It's coming back to where it used to be. There might be some withdrawal effect, coming back and forth, but I guess it's temporary. It will be okay after few weeks, or maybe months.

I must commend myself, judging on how I handle myself, it is far more mature than the last time I was. But hey, it isn't begin either, so it dont have a hard impact as it was the last time. Mature and me? That was not something I was associated with. Hahahahaha.

Anyway, since I've told everyone of my reader how to forget everything, now I have to practice what I preach la kan.

Last but not least, I think everything will be fine. As much as I want to say, I better keep my mouth shut. It's the best. And I'm sure nobody will miss me, and they got other friends to keep them accompany and share their feelings. Not me. :)

p/s I'm still waiting for good news next week, Hopefully it help me solve everything.

I'm failing!

2011-03-24T15:05:00.001+08:00

I am failing. I guess I have to take it another time. The worst feeling about failing is you got no one to tell how sad you are because you failed. With all the effects from last week, I have to let it go. It' s hard, but eventually times will heal.

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Tiada Apa!

2011-03-19T22:00:00.000+08:00

Memang terdahulu, tiada apa.

Sekarang pun, masih tiada apa. Namun, bila tiada apa berlaku, tindak balas lain berlaku. Dan tindakbalas ini ~~mungkin~~ telah pun berjaya. Tapi, mengapa masih bergelodak di dalam jiwa?

Bagaikan tidak serasa. Luluh? Tidak pasti. Mungkin apabila difikirkan perkejaran itu membawa kegembiraan buat dirinya. Bila tiada kejar mengejar, mungkin tersedar bahawa selama ini itulah yang dicari.

Sudah nasib tertulis oleh Tuhan. Kita ikut sahaja :).

P/S Entah kenapa perut rasa semacam. Sedikit masa untuk menghadamkan segalanya.

Busy!

2011-03-18T00:03:00.004+08:00

Apa maksud busy eh sebenarnya? Dalam bahasa melayu, busy itu sibuk. Mengikut pemahaman saya, sibuk bermaksud banyak sangat benda/kerja/perkara yang hendak/kena/sedang dilakukan.Semua orang pernah berasa sibuk. Busy itu sampai tak boleh nak melayan benda-benda lain disebabkan konsentrasinya dalam perkara yang disibukkan.

In my opinion, akulah orang yang memang tak sibuk. Aku tak tau kenapa aku rasa aku paling tak sibuk. Sebagai contoh, kalau orang lain semasa kerja di office sentiasa sibuk dengan paperwork and laporan and everything, aku pula boleh bermain games. Adakah aku memang takde kerja? Maybe. Aku tak tau kenapa aku ada masa siap main games lagi di offices sedangkan orang lain macam sedang buat kerja dengan sibuknya. Sebab bila aku tengok orang lain, semua macam sedang buat kerja. Teringin aku nak pakai Cloak of Invisibility and then aku nak duduk kat tempat Budak Kechik nak tengok adakah dia betul-betul sibuk bekerja atau sama ajer macam aku.

Entahlah. Maybe ada sesetengah orang bila dia busy, dia memang tak boleh buat benda lain. Minda dan emosinya semua tertumpu pada perkara yang disibukkannya. Ramai juga orang kata 24 jam tu tak cukup sebenarnya. Busy bebenor eh orang tu. Aku plak rasa macam terlebih jer 24 jam tu. Nampak sangat takde benda nak buat kan?

P/S Sekali sekala teringin nak busy. Busy sampai tak sempat nak menjenguk FB and blogwalking. Tapi, aku rasa busy macam mana pun, aku still bleh buat kedua-dua benda di atas tambah dengan bermain games lagi. Eh, maksudnya aku tak busy lah kan?

Kenapa saya mahu beli Kereta!

2011-03-08T23:03:00.007+08:00

Masa dulu, zaman sekolah, bapa saya cuma ada basikal. Basikal kampung yang tinggi. Setiap pagi, saya dan adik saya berebut nak naik basikal di sebabkan basikal hanya boleh bawa seorang penunggang. Setiap kali menaiki jambatan sebelum sampai ke sekolah, bapa saya perlu menolak basikal dan saya akan berada di atasnya, seronok!!

Basikal tua seperti ini yang hantar aku ke sekolah rendah..

Beberapa tahun kemudian, bapa saya memiliki motosikal. Kadang-kadang, bapa saya menghantar saya ke sekolah dengan motosikal. Saya akui apabila bapa saya menghantar saya menggunakan motosikal ke sekolah, saya rasa malu. Malu, kerana kebanyakan orang lain di hantar menggunakan kereta dan saya pula membonceng motosikal. Selalu saya marah kepada bapa dan emak, kenapa keluarga kita tidak mempunyai kereta. Alasan saya, orang lain tu lagi miskin dan tinggal di kampung jauh, tapi kenapa keluarga dia ada kereta?

Motosikal kapcai. Pernah gaduh ngan adik sebab nak balik rumah cepat nak tengok Mighty Mouse sampai kaki bapa luka sebab kena ekzos moto.

Kemudian, kakak sulung saya mula bekerja. Dan dia beli kereta kancil. Zaman itu, kereta kancil memang 'in'. Masa itu, memang seronok. Tapi, itu masih kereta kakak. Akhirnya, pada suatu hari, impian saya menjadi kenyataan. Masa tu, saya dalam tingkatan 5. Bapa dan emak saya mengajak saya ke bandar untuk mengambil kereta baru. Kami ikut kereta sewa sampai ke bandar KK, dan dipendekkan cerita, hari tu kami balik dengan kereta baru, Proton Iswara. Seronok rasanya jadi penumpang pertama kereta baru.

Sampai sekarang kakak aku tak tukar lagi kereta baru. Dia kata sayang sangat dengan kereta tu. Orang lain at least dah berviva, dia masih lagi setia walaupun dah banyak ragamnya.

Semenjak hari tu, saya tidak malu lagi. Sehingga saya belajar ke tingkatan 6, apabila bas sekolah buat hal, saya tidak akan segan lagi untuk menelefon ayah saya, untuk mengambil saya pulang. Dan, keluarga kami tak perlu lagi menyewa kereta semasa hari raya. Lega.

Kereta proton Iswara kami kaler bronze actually, bukan kaler hijau celup seperti di atas. Tak dapat nak cari kat google.hihihi

Ok, intro memang panjang. Terpaksa di potong untuk sampai ke bahagian ini. Di percepatkan sebenarnya. Saya teringin mahu ada kereta sendiri. Tapi, bukan mudah untuk dapatkan kereta. Sebelum ada kereta, wajib memiliki lesen. Dan saya tidak pernah terfikir untuk mendapatkan lesen, walaupun sepatutnya mengikut piawaian sekarang selepas SPM adalah masa yang sesuai untuk mendapatkan lesen. Dan saya masih belum ada lesen. Tapi, saya rasa saya dalam perancangan mendapatkan lesen.

Mengapa saya perlu dapatkan kereta? Kenapa saya mahu ada kereta? Ramai orang kata, ada kereta ni macam-macam kena sediakan. Kena simpan sedikit wang, takut ada masalah di kemudian hari. Alasan saya, saya masih malu sebab tiada kereta. Orang kata kereta tidak penting. Ada segala macam kemudahan awam, sementelahan pula hidup di kota.

Kena simpan duit, dah tak boleh membeli belah suka-suka hati. Saman, kereta rosak antara yang perlu difikirkan....

Entahlah. Mungkin saya sudah penat menunggu. Menunggu bas yang tak pernah tepat masanya, dan penuh bersesak sungguh merimaskan. Menunggu teksi yang sentiasa penuh dengan akak-akak yang juga bekerja yang saya anggap tinggal selang satu perhentian dengan pakcik/abang/akak/makcik pembawa teksi, sebab tu dia senang dia dapat teksi. Orang kata, nanti ada kereta akan menambahkan traffic jam. Hmm, tapi saya masih mahu mempunyai kereta.

Penatla nak berdiri dalam bas. Keselesaan dalam bas (dapat duduk) hanya berlaku jika bangun awal pagi atau tinggal selang satu dengan stesen terakhir bas.

Orang kata, kenapa tak beli motosikal? Lagi senang nak cilok sana, cilok sini. Ok, tapi saya sedar saya bukan mat rempit. Saya tak boleh membayangkan dengan memakai baju kerja saya merempit ke pejabat. Dalam bahasa London nya, It's just not my style. Orang kata (orang lagi), ala naik jer LRT. Betul, memang betul. Ramai orang naik LRT. Even si Nuke pun naik LRT, walaupun dia ada motosikal..opss..melalut. Tapi saya rasa naik LRT ni untuk bebudak yang baru kerja. Ala-ala lepasan universiti (tak pastilah jula juli bintang terbilang ker atau sekadar di pinggiran saja). Betul, ada juga abang/akak/pakcik/makcik/leng chai/amoi/pa..oppss naik LRT. Tapi dorang ni ada kereta sebenarnya, kan?? Naik LRT sebab nak elak kesesakan di pusat bandar katanyer.

Hahaha..tak dapat bayangkan Joey rempit mcm ni...

Baiklah, apa yang ingin saya rumuskan adalah saya malu kerana saya tidak ada kereta. Mungkin ramai yang kata, biar tiada kereta, asalkan...................(sila isi ikut suka hati, tapi kalau aku, aku letak asalkan hati baik, tapi berkereta hati baik dan tidak berkereta hati baik, yang mana lebih menjadi pilihan???). Saya masih mahu ada kereta. Kawan-kawan yang sama-sama masuk ke dalam syarikat masa mula-mula bekerja dua tahun dulu sekarang semuanya sudah berkenderaan. Dan saya malu untuk melepak dengan mereka. Terasa bagai burung pipit sangat. Dan mereka nampak seperti sekumpulan enggang. Sebab itu saya sentiasa mengelak bertemu mereka.

Semoga saya dapat beli kereta. Ini merupakan azam pertengahan awal 2011.

Mahu ada kereta. tapi nak beli lotus tu...tak mampu kot...hehehe

Maaf Dari Hati!

2011-03-01T22:02:00.005+08:00

Kadang-kadang kita tidak mengetahui. Apa yang kita buat, apa yang kita katakan mungkin mengguris hati. Bila orang cuba memahami kita, kita segera kunci pintu hati, tidak mahu sesiapa pun cuba menerobos pintunya.

Barangkali sedar bahawa seandainya dibiar terbuka, sejarah mungkin berulang. Bila sudah melampiaskan segala, dia menghilang di sebalik awan. Dan kita kembali sendirian. Mungkin salah sendiri. Tidak mahu mengetatkan silaturrahim lagi. Tapi dulu, I was saying that when people ignoring you, that's mean they dont want you anymore in their life.

Tidak mengapa. Mungkin lebih baik dibiarkan aku begitu sahaja.

Masked!

2011-02-28T02:14:00.003+08:00

Getting to make poker face is not easy. However, it's get easier when you've done it couple of times. There use to be times when I was crying, but as I told you before, I dont want to cry anymore. Guess I comfortable in the way I live right now.

Ceria Dalam Gundah!

2011-02-24T20:24:00.002+08:00

Kembali. Ia tidak pernah berhenti. Namun, setiap kali ia datang, Tuhan melimpahkan rahmat-Nya. Sepatutnya, apabila sudah terkena maka hendaklah beringat. Bagai pelanduk terlupa jerat, malah terpukau dengan keranuman buah-buahan yang tidak perlu sebenarnya.

Kali ini ia datang lagi. Sudah tidak tahu bagaimana untuk menghadapi. Semua sudah dilakukan, hasilnya hampa. Menyesal pun sudah tak berguna. Bersendirian, mengharapkan ada lagi secebis sinar cahaya di sebalik kegelapan.

Kadang kala hati yang rawan disembunyikan dengan wajah yang ceria.

Connected-Disconnected!

2011-02-15T22:06:00.004+08:00

Since just a day after..opss I think I could not say it now, since it was illegal to celebrate it. (For me, it was illegal because the day just fall shortly before the Big Day in our religion... well, unfortunately, for that-day-that-should-not-be-mention terpaksa berdepan dengan dengan hari kebesaran our Prophet. Some people need to be retold constantly that we need to celebrate that Day, not this day. Otherwise, they dont bother)

Ok. I just want to ask. What is a good relationship?

How do you define a good relationship?

I got some hiccups in keeping my relationship. Either with my friend, my best friend or my family. Sometimes, I want something but they cant give, and they give something that I (probably) need.

Sometimes, I think, one of the reason I always prefer to be oneself is I am not comfortable giving myself in any relationship. I always think that people will choose anyone other than me, and I need to be selfish as I dont want to be weak.

The last time I was crying was three years ago. Eventhough I am alone, I will never be sad about it anymore.

P/S How to lose the thought of people not like you?

Song That Inspire Is Back!!

2011-02-06T20:56:00.003+08:00

Sudah lama I never write about this one, so I'm gonna put on lagu baru kat my playlist. This one is new.

Grenade by Bruno Mars

Easy come, easy go, that's just how you live
Oh, take, take, take it all but you never give
Should've known you was trouble from the first kiss
Had your eyes wide open, why were they open?

Gave you all I had and you tossed it in the trash
You tossed it in the trash, you did
To give me all your love is all I ever asked
'Cause what you don't understand is

I'd catch a grenade for ya
Throw my hand on a blade for ya
I'd jump in front of a train for ya
You know I'd do anything for ya

I would go through all this pain
Take a bullet straight through my brain
Yes, I would die for you, baby
But you won't do the same
No, no, no, no

Black, black, black and blue, beat me 'til I'm numb
Tell the devil I said, hey, when you get back to where you're from
Mad woman, bad woman, that's just what you are, yeah
You'll smile in my face then rip the brakes out my car

Gave you all I had and you tossed it in the trash
You tossed it in the trash, yes, you did
To give me all your love is all I ever asked
'Cause what you don't understand is

I'd catch a grenade for ya
Throw my hand on a blade for ya
I'd jump in front of a train for ya
You know I'd do anything for ya

I would go through all this pain
Take a bullet straight through my brain
Yes, I would die for ya, baby
But you won't do the same

If my body was on fire
Ooh, you'd watch me burn down in flames
You said you loved me, you're a liar
'Cause you never, ever, ever did, baby

But darling, I'd still catch a grenade for ya
Throw my hand on a blade for ya
I'd jump in front of a train for ya
You know I'd do anything for ya
I would go through all this pain
Take a bullet straight through my brain
Yes, I would die for you, baby
But you won't do the same
No, you won't do the same
You wouldn't do the same
Ooh, you never do the same
No, no, no, no

Why the song? I dont know. When the song played on air, I feel that I can feel the pain of the rejected. Bruno Mars sing like he experiece it himself. The song exude pain, and bitterness, when you do something to someone you love, but they never do the same for you. Check out the video on you tube. I feel the pain of the song.

Hati!

2011-02-01T00:40:00.003+08:00

Kalau kita buka hati kita pada seseorang, rasa-rasanya apa akan jadi?

Adakah orang itu akan masuk then bila melihat hati kita kurang cantik, maka dia berlalu pergi?

Atau, apabila dia masuk, dia melihat hati itu sungguh indah, namun, selepas beberapa tahun, pergi meninggalkannya kerana hati sudah tidak cantik lagi

Atau tidak masuk langsung, hanya melihat di depan pintu sahaja. Menilai dan mentafsir sama ada pintu yang cantik sama juga cantiknya di dalam.

Atau, yang selalu dibuat orang, menilai pintu sahaja. Kalau cantik, barulah masuk. Sebaliknya, bye!

Kalau kita langsung tidak buka hati pada sesiapapun, bagaimana pula?

Even ramai yang cuba nak masuk ke dalam, tapi pintu tetap berkunci.

Adakah kita pentingkan diri sendiri kalau kita tak mahu buka hati?

Sememangnya hati itu misteri alam. Mencari kunci hati, cuma bongkarkan misterinya. :)

Almost 5 Years!

2011-01-23T23:20:00.004+08:00

Looking back, as I scroll back older entries, I just realize that I've been blogging for 5 years. 5 freaking years. I realize how much I change in the way I write my entries. I am so happy that I still have the passion for blogging, although not as much as before, but I always keep mine updated.

I read a newspaper that blogger can make RM1million, just by blogging. Now, who doesn't want that?? I might want that back in those day, but I think, that is not what I want for my blog. (Hey, dulu2 kak red(red mummy) ada datang tau, siap bagi nasihat lagi kat Joey...hihihi).

Anyway, as I said before, I want everyone to come here, but I need to becareful on who am I going to reveal mine. There's a lot of spanking fresh blogger who get 100 to 200 visitors daily, but I dont care about that at all. Good for him/her.

I miss the old blogger fren, like alessandra flavio, kamal, truanta (he change to faizul lately..hehehe), and the late redziaf(semoga dicucuri rahmat ke atasnya). And I wonder what happen to Mr Monkey Bayau. Where are you?

Juga tak lupa pada asna. :)

From just to express the loneliness feeling because his bestfriend prefer other than him, to basically everything he's going through, He's truly come from a long way. :)

Kau Yang Buat Aku Green With Envy!!

2011-01-20T00:00:00.001+08:00

Ok, I get it. Everyone have problems. But sometime rasa macam comparing me and you, KAU nampak sangat tidak bersyukur. Tapi, still aku tak faham. Mungkin sebab dia mematuhi syariat Tuhan, hidupnya nampak preppy dan baik, tidak seperti diriku yang bergelumang dosa.(Sembahyang pun masih tak cukup dan malas)...

Entahlah. At least, annoying mana pun KAU, kalau dibariskan semua batch kita untuk pilih antara aku dan kau, pasti mereka memilih kau kerana aku tahu aku unpredictable. And senang buat orang menjadi annoying. Unlike you.

You dont have to struggle like me, you have a very good degree (campak kat mana pun pasti ada syarikat yang nak ambik), and you dont have to think to pay everything but your damn car loan!!!

Even sebelum ko dapat this job pun kerja you dah ok kan?

Aku I'm green with envy. Sangat green with envy. Sampai macam nak marah sangat Yang Di Atas Langit.

Tapi takpe. Aku rasa tak perlu dicoretkan lagi. Mengatasi rasa envy, hanya jauhkan diri dari orang yang dicemburukan.

Jigsaw Puzzle!

2011-01-17T02:40:00.003+08:00

Bagai sebuah permainan jigsaw puzzle, kita tak mengetahui apakah imej di sebaliknya

Hanya apabila kita cantumkan semua puzzle, maka barulah kita dapat melihat imej di sebaliknya

Kadang kala,proses mencari kepingan puzzle itu mengambil masa

Adakala, mudah saja kepingan puzzle itu menepati ruang lingkup imej disebaliknya

Namun, ada juga kepingan puzzle yang sukar, cuba memadankannya dengan kepingan puzzle yang lain, tetapi tidak serasi

Biasanya, kepingan puzzle yang berada di tengah, akan dibiar disebabkan kompleks dan rumitnya menyuai padan berbanding kepingan puzzle di hujung

Kepingan puzzle di hujung, biasanya akan selesai dahulu sebelum kepingan puzzle di tengah

Kepingan puzzle yang tidak dapat disuai padan ini memang sukar untuk diletakkan

Tapi, tiada siapa punya kesabaran untuk menyusun semula kepingan puzzle

Malah tiada siapa bermain jigsaw puzzle, sementelahan pula di masa ini interaktif lebih menawan hati

Mungkin salah jigsaw puzzle. Terlalu komplikated, bosan dan kurang interaktif.

P/s Sudah tak mau buat jigsaw puzzle. Tapi masih 'hide and seek'.

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Menyingkap Semula!

2011-01-14T01:01:00.003+08:00

Kadang-kadang kita kembali menyingkap tabir yang sudah lama kita tutup

Kita melihat dia riang dan gembira seperti selalunya

Kita rindukan saat bila kita bersama dengannya

Mungkin ada sedikit tertinggal di hati
Namun pastinya tiada meninggalkan kesan mendalam seperti sebelum ini
The best thing to do when you want to forget is you dont see something that you want to forget
But sekali sekala kita menyingkap kembali hanya untuk mengetahui perkhabaran
Kerana mungkin mengucapkan salam padanya agak awkward sedikit

Kehidupan diteruskan seperti biasa. Kerana Tuhan masih mahu kita hidup.

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Revelation!

2011-01-09T23:52:00.003+08:00

How fun it is to play a mystery character? I found this on someone's blog and I think it's so cool. So, i'm going to play on this one. Some people think I'm too mysterious. Hey, I want all of you to come here, but I'm afraid that kalau-kalau I will be hacked online. Seeing one of my beloved akak sekerja kena email layang mengutuk how she is a bad girl, but didn't know how she is in real life makes me kinda afraid to reveal myself.

But anyway, if you think you can decode that picture, maybe you can contact me. I can be courteous to you. By the way, I think I will have to do blog makeover soon. I just change the title and I hope it suits me. Can anyone show me how to make a nice header? And beautiful layout, please.

P/S My life is going to be better. I can only hope.

Restart!

2010-12-23T20:00:00.009+08:00

Since it will be days until new year, there's a lot of things, I need to do particularly for next year. Here's some of it here :

1) Fix my financial.

I was having trouble on doing my financial. The worst time when after the raya, where I couldn't afford to pay my credit card and others. But, Thanks to God, I get some help. And fast forward, I'm doing okay now. Not necessarily good, but still I can afford to buy some lavish food (as my 2nd boss say..= D) And also thanks to God and the Company, my end year Bonus so enourmous, I can pay everything hahahaha. But need to restructure back my financial.

I need more money!! Hahaha

2) Getting fit

I am going to exercise more. I need to lose from 34/35/36 inches to almost 29/30 inches. I actually have terminated my contract with one of the gym in the city. Reason being, I'm too lazy to go to the gym, which is situated at the most jammed placed in kl, either with car, or with lrt/monorail where jam packed people always have to menyempitkan kawasan. Maybe I will register with the gym near my office and hire a personal trainer, because I know, I'm not the one who can push myself as far as I can, knowing that I can be lying in front of tv eating pizza. But no over the top push sangat punya trainer. Just a good one. And I should do something with my waist.

It would be nice to have a body like this. Sebab pemalas jer, sekarang sudah jadi Winnie The Pooh. Macam kat bawah......huhuhu

3) Socially good

I'm trying not to be jealous to anyone. What I mean is I don't want to compare how so unlucky of me than to everyone in the world. Which is why, I am going to reduce whenever my batch is going to have outing together. There are bunch of good people, but when I'm with them, I could not stop thinking how lucky their life, how colourful their life, compare with my mundane everyday life. And I will get jealous and since I can't talk to anyone, it will degrade my mood for several days. The confidence is low, which make my life worst. They are not guilty, it is just me that having attitude problem. And I couldn't stand if I dont get a character from a group of friend. Opps, this quite complicated to explain, but somehow I malas nak explain,which maybe you already know, so I just left it as it is.

I'm ignoring you for the good cause, b***h!

4) Upgrade

I have to get my licence, this new year I hope I can get my first ever car in the whole universe!! But remember I did mention that I want a small car for easy driving, but now, there's couple of cars that I like. I know what brands and models that I like. Hell yeah, I will become one of the worst driver in KL.

I'm loving this one, but purple is also nice. Ironically, I didn't know about this one, until budak kecik mention it on FB comment. I'm so going to get one!!

That's all I can think of for the time being. Having a happy thoughts sometimes do clear your mind.

Regards,

Joey. XOXO .

Pissed Off!

2010-11-17T22:00:00.002+08:00

Baru balik dari Wangsa Walk. Slightly different from Jusco depan rumah (Now you get hint on where my crib is). Ingatkan nak tengok Harry Potter, tapi semua tayangan dah penuh. Off I go to the secret recipe, buying my favourite pecan butterscotch.

Hari raya, hari cuti. Walaupun sehari tetap holiday yer. I wouldn't be the freak that keep coming to the office during holiday (but hey, he already got a new car, rather than me, so he's up on his way!)

Sometimes, have you ever pissed off by people, just because they got better life than you do? I do. To be honest, several times in my life. You got a good grade on your degree, you got a nice job, and then you found out that several friends from your batch, worse grade than yourself (I know because he repeated his papers, several papers mind you) but come out on top, and having a job that not only nice, but actually can make their hidung kembang kempis when somebody ask them what is their job.

Considering I'm a lucky person, as a human being, I should be grateful. But as a human being either, is a nature to be ungrateful sometime.

I know I'm not a nice person. I dont have friendly face. When I do something annoying, people run away. People (Some people) think I'm weird, and they dont want to hang with me anymore. But it's okay. Even though I struggle everyday to accept the fact, I'm getting used to it.

Anyway, I would like to start again. Reset everything. But I dont know what should I do. I do know God will help you, but I do feel sometimes it's late. I believe God will hear your prayer, but sometimes you get help from Him when you dont want it at that time. And I just want God help me this time.

Going Under!

2010-11-15T17:35:00.002+08:00

Now I will tell you what I've done for you
Fifty thousand tears I've cried
Screaming, deceiving and bleeding for you
And you still won't hear me, going under

Don't want your hand this time, I'll save myself
Maybe I'll wake up for once
Not tormented daily, defeated by you
Just when I thought, I reached the bottom

I'm dying again, I'm going under
Drowning in you, I'm falling forever
I've got to break through, I'm going under

Blurring and stirring the truth and the lies
So I don't know what's real and what's not
So I don't know what's real and what's not
Always confusing the thoughts in my head

So I can't trust myself anymore
I'm dying again, I'm going under
Drowning in you, I'm falling forever
I've got to break through, I'm

So go on and scream
Scream at me, I'm so far away
I won't be broken again
I've got to breathe, I can't keep going under

I'm dying again, I'm going under
Drowning in you, I'm falling forever
I've got to break through, I'm going under
Going under, I'm going under

p/s . Tiada kaitan dengan my life buat masa sekarang. Maybe, dulu? Ahahaha. Nak nyanyi nanti kalau ada karaoke :)

Life, Celebrated!

2010-10-25T08:00:00.045+08:00

I was wondering what I achieve so far. Do I become so lazy, I just pigged myself? There's a lot of things I want to do. But, I really dont know which is the one I need to first.

I wish I could be as cool as that girl who watched Gossip Girl, but actually I'm more to Ugly Betty and Desperate Housewives.

I wish I could be as flamboyant as budak kecik, but I realize that is not my style at all, and I would probably kill myself if people think I was "happy"

I wish I could be that annoying dude, but I understand that If I were to be like him, more hate mails that I will received, unlike him, the more annoying he was, the more people like him

I wish I could just talk my crappy thought to someone, but I realize I totally not making enough friends, and all my friend was pretty occupied with their friends also and I dont want myself to be a spoiled brat.

I wish that I could get to saiz 29, but I realize it was so hard, and I cannot take away my food from me, as food can accompany me during my loneliness

I wish that I was born with silver spoon, but I realize, I cannot choose, but should be grateful that I've got loving family. (Still, why kick me into not so golden hole, Mr UP THERE?)

Ok. I should stop rambling. Nobody likes my rambling anyway. Hahahaha.

P/S I'm just a poor boy, no body loves me...
scaramouche, scaramouche will you do the fandango?

The Long Road Ahead!

2010-10-18T08:00:00.000+08:00

How do you get your confidence up? I mean how do you maintain it. Was it hard? I simply cannot grab it.

You see, in my perspective I always believe that perfection is the key of confidence. Not exactly perfect human as most people would think of. I dont know why, I do feel that everyone living a easy, breezy life (save for the one who are in the Bersamamu type, but I wouldn't compare me to them, that is definitely a different case).

Sometime, I dont think I'm a good planner. But, most of my plan doesn't work anyway. I dont have any specific goal in my life. Is this why I get no confidence?

Sometime, I just want to talk what I feel and think to someone. I dont say that I am lonely, but getting a good lending ear and notable advice is soothing.

Sometimes, you wonder why when you pray, He seems not listening. But, the moments you dont need that, You get it. Ironic, eh?

But the life has to go on, right? Since the leaf is not falling from the tree yet, I guess I got to deal with it.

The Uglyness In Betty!

2010-09-29T08:00:00.004+08:00

Why axed something so fun to watch? Well, I think it's about their moments that fade away. Well, that's the cycle. I cannot help, but would the 'it' show for the moment would be 'glee'ful all the way. Times will tell. Ah...talking nonsense again.

I hate waiting. I am not so keen for patience. I mean being patience to wait for something. Waiting in queue is so annoying, especially when front of the pack acting like they order escargot. In McD!! It always confusing me. Why on earth do some people need extra five star treatment on fast food restaurants, but then when coming to high class, jula juli bintang terbilang restaurant, they don't need that, need this or can I have those. It's fast food, moron!! Memang makanan tak berkhasiat pun!!!! I am sorry. I just hate people , especially girls bertudung yang konon nak berdiet but still want to melantak fast food with too much request to make their meal "healthier". *****************************************!!!

Hahaha, but only that moment saja. I dont hate girls bertudung yang melintas jalan or naik lrt. :)

I always late. Going to the office sharp at the dot was always my point of the day. I dont want too much late attendance. I'm trying so hard to wake up in the morning, and I cannot force myself to sleep at the certain time, like people yang ada jadual. Sometimes, I been sleeping in 2.00 a.m, or even at 4 in the morning, I just cannot sleepla. Now, why do I care about my attendance? To begin with, in my company it was so hard to move on to the other level, and since everyone here had a very good work achievement, and me not, the only thing that can help me is my attendance. If something gets in the way before I 'safely' punch in (hahahahaha...ini zaman dolu-dolu ni..which not been use my company now..saja-saja) my time, I will be cursing all the time. Basically I'm the only one who hears it. It doesn't matter if there are elder in wheelchair who wants to use the lift to my office, I mean, why the hell this *********(censored.hahaha) wants to get on the lift this crucial time?? Yea, I was late, again for the day. Thanks to you, ***********. I am guilty for not planning my time. But I dont care. I just want to put the blame to others. Senang, kan? Well, he will not be helping explaining why I was late and sorry you got the curse. Other time I was okay..hehehe

I was tempted. I spent more money on this one. I dont know. I am too desperate. Now that I have all for myself, the opportunity was extremely huge. I need to fight it. Not so good this one. In fact, I dont want to say anything about it. Or should there be a bla bla met?

The last part, is where I want to change!!

After Two Years!

2010-09-19T08:00:00.000+08:00

After two years, did I still think about it?

(Not!!! But I do sometimes open the page...nothing just browse along )

After two years, did I feel I've changed to something good?

(I'm fat! Becareful what you wish for next time! God always listen you know!)

After two years, did I feel I have enough success just for me to pride along to someone?

(I dont think so. That is why I hate reunion for the moment. Hahahaha. "Success" in my perspective is different from others :P )

After two years, did I get many friends?

(Hahahaha..not so many.I just realized that I'm not that friendly or even handsome enough to get many friends)

After two years, did I achieve what I want to achieve?

(Ermm, some of it, but still have a long way to go..)

After two years, did I still angry with that person?

(Not anymore.. but I dont know( should be don't want ..kan??) if I meet the person again :p)

After two years, I want to change!

Nonsense!

2010-09-14T02:16:00.003+08:00

Something that come, and then they go. The wait is finally over. Feel sad sediiiikit. But happy lagi banyak. Hahahaha. No more order lambat lagi. And Restoran McD tak penuh lagi. Senang sikit nak datang makan di masa-masa kesukaan.

Owh. kewangan meruncing. Sangat. Lepas ni tak nak dah pakai kad kredit. (Hahahaha..yelah tu).

Kehidupan sekarang sangat relaks. Walau bagaimanapun, sekali sekala berkelam kabut bagus juga. Entah kenapa.

Dulu, masa aku mula-mula buat thesis, aku sengaja pilih pensyarah yang memang terkenal kegarangannya untuk jadi supervisor. Alasan aku, dia garang dan suka paksa orang buat kerja. In the end, aku tetap rileks. Tiada rasa kelam kabut, hasilnya thesis aku tidak dapat A, macam thesis inchek Green.

Sekarang, aku kerja pun rileks, bos pun takdela menekan sangat. Bukanlah aku ni tak bersyukur, tapi aku memerlukan tekanan supaya kerja sentiasa berjalan. Bukan tekanan masalah peribadi atau masalah kewangan ya. Tapi apa pun aku tetap suka kerja aku. Walaupun, setiap hari aku datang kerja aku tak tahu apa aku nak buat. Kalau boss atau supervisor suruh, barulah aku buat...hihihihi. I wouldn't dare do something memandai-mandai kata orang. I selalu kalau ada apa, I'll let the people who seem to know everything do it first, I'll just follow the order.

I'm officially fat. Families, relatives semua cakap. Need to exercise. But not until my financial is back in stabilize mode. I can't do anything when I'm broke. Seriously. Now I know why I always bicker with my parents few years ago. Hahahaha.

Ok, I should stop telling nonsense here. Till next time.

My Lonely Ramadhan!

2010-08-23T09:15:00.002+08:00

Sometimes, do I write too artistic? My blog now is not so everyday life as by other. No more fancy, stupid or even pose syok sendiri photo or even complaint about how mundane people are.

I just write whatever comes to mind, with main idea from my heart. Basically, it was what I thought and feel for the moment. Sometimes I really have a basic idea, but somehow when I write, then comes this thought, flowery language, metaphore and anything in between.

Back to reality, it almost two weeks in Ramadhan. I just hope it goes on quickly, as I do not fancy Ramadhan. Now before everyone in the world slams me because I dont like Ramadhan for now, I have my reason. I believe Ramadhan is a truly exquisite, holy and the leader of all month. Heaven's gate are wide open, and more rewards are given to those who obey Him.

I just feel that it makes me more lonelier, than any other months. To be honest, I never done any tarawih until these moment, and I just dont have heart to do the tarawih, not when I feel like this. I only fasting just because I have to. (Yea, slams me, b ***h me, whatever you like, am wiling to take).

Please Ramadhan. Go away faster. Till next time.

Misteri dan Rahsia itu Adakalanya Sulit!

2010-08-16T09:31:00.004+08:00

I was tempted actually, to post something about Ramadhan, tapi since I don't have ideas, rather than grumbling how I not like Ramadhan (not the whole thing, just a little bit), I rather write something else.

Sometimes, I always think that clean cut wholesome people live a better life. They don't have much to hide, people's always love them. Just look at A. She's wonderful, dah nak kahwin...and everyone (including myself) adore her very much. Maybe because she just don't have anything to hide. You can say that her life is 90% transparent (whatever I thought).

As for me, I've got so much to hide. The skeleton inside the cupboard need to bury deep down, as I don't know how people will react if they know it. But somehow, there's still people, open up dearly, and they still got everyone to support him/her (that's what I think), for example, Mr. Budak Kecik.

There's a bunch of time that I did not feel comfortable with myself, as I feel that I'm not as competent as they are. Sometime, I do think people don't like me at all. You just can see from their reaction. (Well, maybe I'm wrong..but somehow...)

Kegembiraan yang malap!

2010-08-08T23:41:00.003+08:00

All in a while, di sebalik kita tersenyum riang, ada perkara yang kita sembunyikan. Kita sembunyikan masalah di sebalik senyuman kita. Kegembiraan itu ada kalanya bisa dihipokrasikan. Namun, kita sendiri sedar kita tidak gembira. Kita masih terperangkap di bawah ilusi kegelapan yang kita ciptakan sendiri. Kita melihat di sekeliling kita penuh dengan kegembiraan, tapi kita bagaikan malap, cuba mengenang nasib malang diri di bawah awan yang kelam.

Entah apa di mana silapnya, walaupun usaha ditaburkan, tiada apa yang berubah. Semuanya sia-sia. Pabila kita meminta bantuan, semuanya tidak berjaya. Malah ada pula yang cuba mengambil kesempatan di atas kebaikan yang kita berikan.

Kita mencari dan terus mencari, tanpa kita sedar, yang dicari itu sebenarnya sudah tidak memerlukan kita lagi. Maka terperangkaplah kita dalam dunia mimpi yang tidak berkesudahan, seperti mana Mal yang tidak dapat membezakan realiti dan mimpi, maka dia memilih mimpi kerana menganggap mimpi itu realitinya.

Mungkin kita hanya mampu bermimpi. Kerana di dalam mimpi itu, segalanya bisa terjadi.

Lesson in Life!

2010-07-31T00:08:00.001+08:00

Dalam hidup yang tak seberapa lama ini, satu demi satu pengalaman dikutip. Setiap pengalaman ada pengajarannya. Kadang-kadang gembira, atau sebaliknya. Mungkin juga salah pemahaman, hasil pemerhatian yang rambang, ataupun sememangnya terbukti dengan alasan kukuh.

What I learn is manusia itu memang selalu cemburu antara satu sama lain. Ini mungkin kerana manusia itu tidak sempurna. Diulang sentiasa madah berhelah itu dan akhirnya menjadi satu rukun hidup manusia. Manusia itu tidak sempurna. Maka jika ada manusia yang mempamerkan kehidupan sempurna, bukankah rukun hidup itu tidak lagi ditepati?? Sehingga manusia yang "sempurna" ini menunjukkan ketidaksempurnaannya, maka sehingga itulah dia dicemburui. Hanya dengan cara ini, si pencemburu sedar bahawa orang yang dicemburu itu pun ada kelemahannya, maka dia rasa senang hati. Kemudian, datang lagi manusia "sempurna" yang lain. Maka kitar cemburu bermula semula.

Kita semua percaya adanya Dia yang mengaturkan segalanya. Dia memang Maha Berkuasa, namun kadang kala kita putus harapan dengan-Nya. Kita berusaha sepenuhnya, namun tiada balasan setimpal. Apa yang kita mahukan tidak dipenuhi. Mungkin perlu bersabar. Cuma , kesabaran ada batasnya.

Dalam kehidupan kita, tidak boleh selalu mengharapkan bantuan dari yang lain. Semuanya sendiri, kerana tiada siapa yang dapat membantu kita di kala kita mengalami kesusahan. Tiada siapa yang dapat memujuk hati yang merajuk melainkan diri sendiri. Bersusah payah seberat mana sekalipun, hanya diri sendiri yang boleh mengatasinya. Mungkin bagi manusia "sempurna" mereka tiada masalah mendapat bantuan. Well, some people memang dapat "extra care" kan?

Dalam dunia ini, memang kebanyakannya adalah manusia yang baik. Namun, tidak semua yang baik itu mesra dan "ngam". Jadi, manusia yang baik dan tidak mesra dengan kita, patutkah kita melayan mereka seperti kawan karib sehidup semati?? Bagi diri saya, I'm not going to involve more in their life. They're just nice. But whenever you are with them, selalu rasa tidak selesa. Like you dont belong to the group. Well, I've got more people that is mesra and "ngam' to me, so I dont think I have significant marks in their life. Baik sekadar bersopan sahaja. Bukankah itu adat Timur?

Saya masih lagi belajar. Belajar melalui pengalaman. Walaupun belum pasti lagi pengalaman yang diperolehi akan mematangkan diri saya, tapi saya akan cuba laluinya dengan hati yang terbuka.

Pantai!

2010-07-20T21:13:00.000+08:00

I think I'm like the beach. Pantai?? Yeap.

Sekali bergelora, seperti tidak tentu arah. Tapi masih mampu disembunyikan di sebalik pasir-pasirnya. Sekiranya tenang, udaranya sentiasa menyelesakan.

Saya patut mengurangkan rasa cemburu saya. Saya patut embrace my life. Saya harus tidak membandingkan antara saya dan dirinya, mungkin hidupnya sungguh berjaya. Saya sepatutnya lebih banyak menumpukan diri saya berbanding orang lain. Entahlah. I can't figure out why I underestimate myself.

Owh. I just realized that most of the problem have one rootcause. Money. Enough said :)

Saya!

2010-07-11T11:34:00.000+08:00

Secara jujurnya, saya mengaku saya memang tidak pandai berkawan. Saya lebih suka duduk di rumah, tengok televisyen sambil tunggu pizza datang daripada duduk melepak beramai-ramai. Saya rasa kekok, terutama kalau melepak dengan mereka yang se'aliran'. Bukan bermaksud saya hipokrit (tapi kalau rasa saya memang hipokrit saya mengaku sajalah), tapi biasanya saya akan berdiam diri apabila berjumpa dengan mereka-mereka ini. Tidak diketahui apa sebabnya. Saya lebih suka one-to-one conversation, as I feel that I can know more of people by doing that.

Saya seorang yang suka cemburu dengan orang lain, tapi cemburu saya setakat dalam hati sahaja. Saya tak mungkin melakukan perkara-perkara yang melampaui batas semata-mata kerana perasaan cemburu. Saya masih lagi individu berfikiran kompleks yang memikirkan baik buruknya suatu perkara walaupun apabila tiba saat membeli belah, saya menjadi individu yang kurang IQ dan EQ nya.

I'm not good looking. Trying to be, but fail miserablely.Well, why in their right mind, that people dont want to be good looking? Of course, I want. But somehow, nothing we can do as something cannot be change. A lot of things can be much merrier for the good looking ones. Even if their status on Facebook is just plain stupid or just "Arggh!", there will always people comment or like his status. Hahaha, I've seen them all. The reason (I think) is people is more attentive and caring towards the good looking one. Kan?

Saya juga pentingkan diri sendiri. Saya cuba menjadi prihatin dengan orang lain, tapi mereka tidak memberikan apa yang saya mahu. Bukankah ini maksudnya tidak ikhlas? Kononnya saya memberikan bantuan tanpa balasan, tapi sebenarnya di sudut hati saya mahukan sesuatu dari mereka. Dan mereka ini tidak memberikannya. Susah sebenarnya untuk menjadi ikhlas. Kadang-kadang saya bertanya sendiri mengapa mereka-mereka ini merasakan saya bukanlah sesuatu yang penting dalam hidup mereka. Tapi tak mengapa, saya sudah biasa dengan keadaan ini. Maka dengan itu, saya rasa saya patut lebih banyak pentingkan diri kerana tiada siapa yang peduli dengan saya. Tapi, saya tidak boleh.

Saya bukan tidak mahu bersyukur. Sepatutnya. Tapi mengapa ada orang lebih gembira berbanding diri saya?

Under The Shadow!

2010-07-03T02:44:00.002+08:00

It's been long (again) since I write something here. Busy with travelling. For work only. I suppose I dont have much idea to write anything now. But, let's just say, if you have the chance to turn back time, what would you do?

I'm sure there's plenty of things that you, me and everyone else want to fix. But, reality bites. You wouldn't find any Edwards or Jacob in real life, or you can't build a robot like Doraemon. It's a hard world. Well, not so hard if you were born with silver spoon, if you know what I mean.

What should we do? The thing is you have to live your life as much as possible, but if you can't meaning you're stuck under the shadow. Sometimes, if you're stuck under the shadow for too long, you can't easily get rid the shadow. It will follows you if you keep thinking about the shadow. The shadow expand on negativity, making you afraid of stepping out from it, seeing the luscious sunshine over the magnificent sky.

Sometimes, we don't know what we afraid of, or what we are ashame of. It should not be a problem anymore. But, if you still stuck under the shadow and don't want to step up to see a little bit sunshine, you just might can't live your life in satisfaction

Another Song To be Inspired!!

2010-06-16T17:48:00.006+08:00

Joget Menanti Kasih

Bukan tak tahu tajamnya duri
Si akar semalu bercabang-cabang
Bukan tak mahu mencari ganti
Parut luka lalu terpandang-pandang

Pergi tak disuruh, datang tak diminta
Andai sudah jodoh, Insya Allah

Pergi tak disuruh, datang tak diminta
Andai sudah jodoh, Insya Allah

Jenuh sudah merata mencari sirih
Mencari sirih bertemu urat
Jenuhlah sudah menantikan kekasih
Kasih setia sepanjang hayat

Sekacipan pinang secubitan gambir
Sehelai sirih dicalit kapur
Sedap di pandangan manisnya di bibir
Apalah kasih andai tak jujur

Hahaha. I minat gak etnik kreatif neh. Simple song. Deeper meaning for me. Nice melody, kan Terry??

Apa yang lepas janganlah dikenang. Marilah memikirkan benda yang menyenangkan hati. Thanks stranger. Even though apa yang you buat ini dirty and not noble, atau maybe you just bluffing me with your story but your advice is truly good. Thanks. Will see you again.

I'm Mad!!

2010-06-07T08:00:00.000+08:00

I am mad at everything. I was usually have patience in everything, but now it seems to change. I dont know what make me burst at everything, I'm so pissed off when the taxi late, or even over the moon (but not sampai mengamuk) when I was terkocoh-kocoh lewat, there's a f****** old man wear tongkat that so lambat guna lift menyebabkan aku tag lambat. I know it is my fault, but I can't help it.

I'm becoming more of Uncle Scrooge. I dont even care but the Israeli thingy, I dont want to support anyone, be it the activist or the Israeli itself. But somehow, it somehow makes me cringe in my eyes when someone in our country membakar bendera negara orang lain.(So actually kita sama jer dengan penduduk seberang yang bakar bendera negara kita). Buat tunjuk perasaan boleh, demonstrasi boleh, but please dont do that to the flag. Respect ok. Biarpun dorang jahat, kita pun tak payah nak tunjuk jahat juga. Tunjukkan kita lebih baik dari mereka. But I hope that 'special' persons who have the privileged to go there with the intention to help the needy, but actually fail to the delivered it dont get special awards..macam Dato' ker...opsss.

Once again I was beating around the bush. Is it normal to be mad at everything? Everything include The Big Kahuna (if you get what I mean..), and I dont know what should I do.

I even mad at families who bring their children to watch some adult movies(eh, it is not Shrek la...why bring the toddlers???) but cannot keep their children very well and hence mengganggu a loner like me watching movies. If it was Shrek, or Upin Ipin ker yang memang tontonan seisi keluarga takpelah..Bodoh Punya Famili!!!!

Juga mad with those person who keep using ATM for 3rd times.(hello, motif ko nak keluar tiga kali...keluar satu atau dua kali dah la...sama jugak Bodoh!!)

I'm mad with myself sebab I couldn't get a good relationship, whether in love or in friendship.

I'm mad because the road I taken is not so cheerful as I thought it will

I'm mad because my friends left me and it's all because of myself

I'm mad because everyone was happy, but I'm not

P/S Ironically, I was advising someone that was not happy with life, that live your life the fullest and never look back. The person is happy now. (I am assuming, again) It now backfires to me. I am in desperate need of talking to someone about anything (and everything) in my life, not just laughing together and not everyone in my few friends I can talk to....

Guilty!

2010-06-03T08:00:00.002+08:00

Saya bersalah. I'm guilty.

Bila memandang cermin, cermin tidak retak.

Apa yang hilang? Di mana penariknya?

Cuba membetulkan. Sama, tetap tiada perubahan.

Masih belum berani lagi untuk melangkah ke arah yang lebih extreme. Takut bahana.

Mungkin mencuba. Siapa tahu berjaya.

Emptyness!!

2010-05-31T00:00:00.000+08:00

Kosong. How do you feel when you're empty?

Maybe you never. Something is totally wrong with me.

I want to avoid all those people that give me bad memory, or makes me ashame of myself.

Maybe you never feel as much as I feel. You may feel the emptiness, but somehow what I feel is much more than you.

At least, there's some people who still concern about you. But not me.

No point or whatsoever having two or three handphones, when there are nobody to call or replying messages.

Maybe because I'm so used to the emptiness, when ever I have company it will make someone uncomfortable as me also.

All of them, left me behind, without looking back.

Some people never understand the sadness of being emptiness. And why should them?

P/S I never love weekends or long holidays. It just feel empty.

Reality Bites!

2010-05-27T08:00:00.008+08:00

* Di sini, kalau bukan ber'ibu bapa' kan yang 'ada-ada' , kehidupan memang susah. Hanya mereka yang bertuah ini sahaja kurang masalah hidup.

*Di sini, usaha memang tangga kejayaan. Tapi, tanpa usaha pun masih boleh berjaya. Rujuk perkara di atas.

* Di sini, cemburu itu memang ada. Tak kisah la jika anda memang anak orang yang 'ada-ada', tapi bila melihat orang lain yang tak sepatutnya berjaya, ada rasa cemburu.Cemburu tak salah. Bagaimana anda melampiaskan rasa itu, haruslah di perhalusi, agar tidak mendatangkan jatuhnya hukum haram.

* Di sini, kehidupan di kota lebih pada diri sendiri. Kalau anda popular, ramai kawan maka seronoklah kehidupan di kota. Tanpa semua itu, you are the biggest loser.

* Di sini, kalau kita asyik dengar kata-kata orang lain, kita hilang kekuatan.

*Di sini, ikhlas itu penting, tapi tidak menjadi keutamaan.

* Di sini, rupa yang elok adalah lebih penting berbanding budi pekerti. Eh, silap. Budi pekerti sangat penting. bersama rupa yang elok.

P/S Apa yang berlaku?? Itu tidak penting. Kehidupan harus diteruskan.

Karakter Diri !

2010-05-19T08:00:00.002+08:00

Ciri-ciri Lelaki Berbintang Scorpio (salin dan tampal dari web mana entah)

1. suka sembang
2. suka orang yang sayang padanya
3. suka ambil jalan tengah
4. sangat menawan dan sopan santun
5. kecantikan luar dan dalam
6. tidak pandai berbohong dan berpura-pura

7. sentiasa berkawan
8. hatinya mudah terusik tetapi merajuknya tidak lama
9. cepat marah

10. daya firasat yang sangat kuat
11. pengasih, penyayang dan lembut
12. ambil berat tentang orang lain
13. boros dan mudah dipengaruhi persekitaran
14. lelaki yang sensitif, mudah terguris dan sering kesunyian
15. sukar mempercayai org lain
16. mempunyai karisma yg tinggi
17. penasihat yg baik dimana mampu membaca dan memahami
18. sering mencapai apa yang dihajati
19. sanggup menunggu bertahun lamanya untuk sesuatu yg dihajati
20. tidak suka berehat atau bercuti untuk tempoh yang panjang kerana baginya banyak perkara perlu diselesaikan
21. lelaki yang kompleks
22. suka dihormati dan digemari

23. jika jatuh cinta, scorpio akan mencintai sedalamnya tetapi tidak mudah untuk jatuh cinta

Ulasan

Disebabkan aku tengah kehausan nak minum air yang ada ais since umah aku takde fridge lagi so terpaksa order McD (motif melalut) maka I come upon this thing, Aku tak ingat dari mana aku dapat, aku just kupi pasta ajer...hehehehe.

Bagi aku, yang no 1, 2 , 3 tu..agak betul gak tentang diri sendiri. Especially bila ada member yang betul-betul aku sayang..wakakaka. Tu yang sampai cemburu kehijauan tuh (wakakaka..ampun ya abang green...aku sayang kau..matila confession terdesak).

No 4, 5 dan 6 ...ini kurang pasti ler. Yang rasa-rasa betul no 6 tu kot ..opsss.. 7, 8, dan 9 tuh memang tepat!

Aku ni memang mudah merajuk ngan orang, but anyway dalam masa yang singkat I will forgive them. Yes..ala pada seseorang yang sekarang keja kat Bangi tuh, aku takde marah lagi kat ko. Cuma aku segan nak mesej ko balik. Hope you accepted my apologizes.

10, 11, 12 ni...tengah-tengah lah. Takdelah pulak bukti kukuh yang menunjukkan aku ni ambik berat pasal orang lain. So I'm working on it :).

13,14,15 Tepat,tepat, sikit laa... Yerla...asyik2 masalah kewangan jer. Motif beli benda-benda yang tak sepatutnya di beli?? Sekarang kad kredit pun sudah cecah maksimum limit...alamak!! 14 Tu malas nak cakap, my last post explain it much better. Tak percaya seseorang? Err..maybe. Depends on the friendship level or how I hormat kepada mereka.

16,17,18 hmmmmm...karisma??? otak aku tak tahu cam mana nak describe neh. (Ada pulak aku terbayang Karisma Kapoor menari-nari dalam DON lepas tu mati di bunuh Shah Rukh Khan..hahaha). Aku penasihat yang baik??? Mana manusia yang pernah aku kaunseling tu..tolong ke depan bagi testimonial sikit...wakakaka.

19 tuh totally salah. Menunggu sebab takde duit jer. Cuba ada duit. Of course terus beli kat kedai pertama yang dah aim itu, tanpa perlu mengamalkan konsep semakan harga kedai lain yer(Aiyo..malas ler...beli jer terus tak payah nak banding-banding harga)

20 Maybe betul. Since my cuti takde apa nak buat and dont have anyone to talk to, I prefer weekdays rather than weekends. At least kat ofis aku meriah okay. I like it.

21,22, 23 Betul, dan tepat sekali. Kompleks and selalu mood swing. Boleh nampak dari muka.Hahahaha...

Sekian, Terima Kasih.

Apa yang Diinginkan!

2010-05-16T08:00:00.001+08:00

Telah ku pilih jalan ini
Meski kini ku sendiri
Renungi erti sepi
Tak lagi ada satu kata
Satu jiwa dalam cinta
Yang ada hanya hampa

Limitasi perbualan. Tiada apa yang dapat dilakukan. Merenung siling putih, terlihat putaran kipas menghiasi lelangit putih. Melihat ke dalam diri, bagaikan tiada sabar. Hati yang tenang kini bergolak, bagai bahtera yang terumbang ambing di tengah lautan.

Apa yang diinginkan itu selalu didambakan. Tetapi bila yang diinginkan itu singgah, ia bukanlah seperti apa yang diharapkan. Maka kembali mendambakan yang tidak diingini. Selesa. Tidak. Selesa. Entah mengapa seperti tiada ruang untuk mendapat apa yang diinginkan. Kesemua pergi meninggalkan memori indah, walaupun masih diinginkan, namun, sudah menjauh, cuma berharap dan akhirnya kecewa dengan pengharapan.

Hendak menangis, tiada siapa mendengar esak tangisannya. Hendak ketawa, tiada siapa yang membuat lawak.

Mencari apa yang diinginkan itu sukar, sementelahan pula selalu dikelirukan dengan desah gelisah nafsu. Bukan itu yang diingini, cuma sudah tersasar dari matlamat, dan apabila fikiran sudah diselubungi awan hitam yang sering memikirkan nasib malang, nafsu menjadi panduan.

Kata hatiku
Kusimpan dalam diam
Tak perlu ucap lagi

Ada Lagi Song That Inspires!

2010-05-13T08:00:00.002+08:00

Aku Tak Mau Sendiri

Sejak ia pergi dari hidupku

Kumerasa sepi

Kau tinggalkan ku sendiri disini

Tanpa satu yang pasti

Aku tak tahu harus bagaimana

Aku merasa tiada berkawan

Selain dirimu

Selain cintamu

Kirim aku malaikatmu

Biar jadi kawan hidupku

Dan tunjukkan jalan yang memang

Kau pilihkan untukku

Kirim aku malaikatmu

Karena ku sepi berada disini

Dan di dunia ini aku tak mau sendiri

Tanpa terasa kuteteskan air mata ini

Yang tiada berhenti mengiringi

Kisah di hati

Aku tak tahu harus bagaimana

Aku merasa tiada berkawan

Selain dirimu

Selain cintamu

Kirim aku malaikatmu

Biar jadi kawan hidupku

Dan tunjukkan jalan yang memang

Kau pilihkan untukku

Kirim aku malaikatmu

Karena ku sepi berada disini

Dan di dunia ini aku tak mau sendiri

Kirim aku malaikatmu

Biar jadi kawan hidupku

Dan tunjukkan jalan yang memang

Kau pilihkan untukku

Kirim aku malaikatmu

Karena ku sepi berada disini

Dan di dunia ini aku tak mau sendiri

I always love Bunga Citra Lestari. Not always, maybe. Frequently. She's beautiful, and most of her song are quite easy listening and membuai perasaan. Of all the song she sang, this one are truly connected with my heart.

Eh, back to the song. It perfectly describe my loneliness feeling, and sometimes the loneliness is makes me all negative. Like the song said...Di dunia ini, aku tak mahu sendiri, cuma mencari mereka yang serasi dan ada masa terluang, adalah sukar.

Si Perempuan Cantek a.k.a Pretty Lady!

2010-05-07T08:00:00.002+08:00

Once upon a time, a big monk and a little monk were traveling together. They came to the bank of a river and found the bridge was damaged. They had to wade across the river.There was a pretty lady who was stuck at the damaged bridge and couldn't cross the river. The big monk offered to carry the pretty lady across the river on his back. The lady accepted.

The little monk was shocked by the move of the big monk. "How can big disciple brother carry a lady when we are supposed to avoid all intimacy with females?" thought the little monk. But he kept quiet. The big monk carried the lady across the river and the small monk followed unhappily. When they crossed the river, the big monk let the lady down and they parted ways with her.

All along the way for several miles, the little monk was very unhappy with the act of the big monk. He was making up all kinds of accusations about the big monk in his head. This got him madder and madder. But he still kept quiet. And the big monk had no inclination to explain his situation.

Finally, at a rest point many hours later, the little monk could not stand it any further, he burst out angrily at the big monk. "How can you claim yourself a devout monk, when you seize the first opportunity to touch a female, especially when she is very pretty? All your teachings to me make you a big hypocrite."

The big monk looked surprised and said, "I had put down the pretty lady at the river bank many hours ago, how come you are still carrying her along?"

Motif hikayat zaman senjata misteri ..? Nak meniru abang green kah? Hahaha. The point is it was forwarded through email by Kak S. I happened to be the one who feel that it's connected to me. Apakah?? Menurut kata-kata tukang cerita itu, pengajarannya adalah kita banyak menghadapi benda-benda yang pahit, menderita, mereka-mereka yang melukakan hati kita, tapi kita tak mahu lepaskannya. Atau bahasa londonnya let it go.

Like the little monk, we are not willing to let them go away. We keep on carrying the baggage of the "pretty lady" with us. We let them keep on coming back to hurt us, make us angry, make us bitter and cause us a lot of agony. Why? Simply because we are not willing to put down or let go of the baggage of the "pretty lady".

Yes. I myself carrying that pretty lady. Bodohkan? But I have different twist of the story. If I were the little monk, I should part ways with that big monk. Kan?? Kenapa???

For me, it is easier to let it go when you dont meet the person. Macam nasihat Kak S, kita ni haruslah mengamalkan sikap forgive and forget sesama insan. She's right. I might forgive people and then forget about them. Yes, sometimes when you remember the person, it still feels hurt inside. Better forgive and forget terus.(Kak S sudah membantah yer dengan kenyataan ku ini..hahahaha).

But, I am not arriving at the stage again. Dulu pernahlah. And I dont feel I reach the time where I forget the person. It might be soon.

Whether I'm still carrying the pretty lady or not, well, like I said the easiest is just forget about that.

P/S If I can do what Clementine(Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind) did.....

What I Realize This Time!

2010-05-03T07:00:00.001+08:00

It's been a week since I came back from the otherside. I just love it. Even it is exhausting and tired, but I feel that I can do that for more weeks :). Then I just realize that this is something that I love to do. I always been thinking, why I didn't have any passion in any particular things? Yeah, some people study hard so they become doctors, and other people like cars so much, that they want to be engineers. I kinda blurr whenever I try to think what was my passion.

But , a week in the otherside made me realize something. I want to be part of something big, and surround by lots of people. Back in the office, I feel some loneliness, and back to here makes me have to be lonely again. At the otherside, I dont have time to think about loneliness, as plenty as I am tonight. Maybe that was the cure. I realize this time, if I been busy with work, maybe I can forget anything that makes me sad, or empty. It's not that I dont like my work, it's been a pleasure working there, but office works is something tad not so busy as the otherside's works. I've been procrastinating whole time. Like, you dont type memo for the whole day right?

Having said that, I will not resign. A not so wise move. I just dont think if I resign, any company will ever hired me. I'm not as competent or as marketable as "budak kecik" or everyone. Yes, I just realize that I always degrading myself. My good colleague and supervisor tell me so. Well, I am guilty, but I can't help feeling like I can't do nothing good. The best way is just stay there, at least I have my medical problems covered and I dont have to be worried the company will fire me unless I do something WRONG that makes the company loses its credibility.

I also realize that, what worries me much is my financial health. I am not sooo materialistic, but without cash, I just can't help myself. There was a time, when I thinking that, if I have a car, and it brokes on the road, who am I going to call?? Probably not my friend. I dont have any friend that wiling to help me. (Maybe I'm just assuming).So having good financial can assure my mind bout simple silly thing like this. I should take part time job , eh?

Last but not least, I realize this time I have to make some changes. Again.

Song That Inspires ..Again!

2010-04-18T20:56:00.008+08:00

Dont Rain on My Parade

Don't tell me not to live,
Just sit and putter,
Life's candy and the sun's
A ball of butter.
Don't bring around a cloud
To rain on my parade

Don't tell me not to fly--
I've simply got to
If someone takes a spill,
It's me and not you.
Who told you you're allowed
To rain on my parade

I'll march my band out,
I'll beat my drum,
And if I'm fanned out,
Your turn at bat, sir.
At least I didn't fake it.
Hat, sir, I guess I didn't make it

But whether I'm the rose
Of sheer perfection,
Or freckle on the nose
Of life's complexion,
The cinder or the shiny apple of its eye

I gotta fly once,
I gotta try once,
Only can die once, right, sir?
Ooh, life is juicy,
Juicy, and you see
I gotta have my bite, sir

Get ready for me, love,
cause I'm a commer,
I simply gotta march,
My heart's a drummer.
Don't bring around a cloud
To rain on my parade

I'm gonna live and live now,
Get what I want--I know how,
One roll for the whole show bang,
One throw, that bell will go clang,
Eye on the target and wham
One shot, one gun shot, and BAM!!!

Hey, Mister Armstein,
Here I am
I'll march my band out,
I will beat my drum,
And if I'm fanned out,
Your turn at bat, sir,
At least I didn't fake it
Hat, sir, I guess I didn't make it

Get ready for me, love,
'cause I'm a commer,
I simply gotta march,
My heart's a drummer
Nobody, no, nobody
Is gonna rain on my parade

I dont know when I began to love theatrical. Specifically, musical. I will someday watch Broadway Musical. I just love the song. I can feel the musical vibes when the song starts playing.The moment when Rachel Berry come out from the curtain and just open her mouth, is just mesmerizing. It also show how I try to make a new beginning, a new beginning once again. It perfectly sum up on how I feel right now. (Since been listening to the songs couple of times, I think I can lipsync to it ..hahahaha). That's all for now, I'm going to the otherside. The otherside that have me, once upon a time.

Repekan Kelas Jula Juli Bintang Termalap!!

2010-04-15T01:56:00.004+08:00

Kadang-kadang kita cuba mengejar mereka yang berstatus 'elevated' kononnya. Tapi pabila bersama mereka, kita sedar kita tidak mampu menjadi diri sendiri. Kita rasa rendah diri dengan perlakuan high class mereka, biarpun sebenarnya mereka tiada niat untuk melakukan sebegitu. Bagaikan rusa masuk kampung, the high status level of the hedonism mungkin agak janggal. Sekali-sekala tersenyum simpul. Namun, hati kita tahu kita bukan mereka dan tak mungkin menjadi mereka.

Tapi, mengapa kita tetap mahu menjadi seperti mereka? Entah. Tiada jawapan. Mungkin disebabkan mereka berada di level tinggi dunia hedonisma, maka kita merasakan mereka ada segalanya.

Sepatutnya kita berpaling melihat mereka yang masih mengingati kita, walaupun dirinya sibuk namun dia masih setia. Apa yang harus dilakukan?

Tinggalkan harapan itu. Kita adalah kita, tak mungkin bisa menjadi seperti dia yang memang 'ada class'. Tak perlu khuatir andai dia sudah pun menghapus jejakmu di sebalik permukaan itu. Ada banyak lagi mereka yang masih mahu bersama kita. Bergelak ketawa bersama kita. Ikhlas, bukan dibuat-buat.

Tak perlu memikirkan orang yang tidak memikirkan kita langsung dalam kehidupan.

Skeleton in the Closet - One More Time!!

2010-04-12T08:00:00.001+08:00

I hope that everyone is not boring when I unleashed another skeleton in the closet series. But I feel if there's no one to talk to, perhaps I can write something here. I may look like a good guy, but that is not what I feel for myself. I've been trying to talk about this to my friend. Maybe they misunderstood. Hahaha. Never mind bout that.

To be honest, I am a selfish person. I don't care about anyone else, including my family. My need is more importants than anyone else, and there's time when my need is not fulfill, I have do something extreme (not so so extreme I think, but you get the idea la). But I've try to tone it down. Have try. Not so successful. At least, I dont hold so much selfishness now.

Having friends is a blast. I've been blessed, because I've got soo many best friends, not too mention good friends that help me along the way. Sometime, my selfishness get in the way, causing my relationship with some friends in trouble, but some manage to baik semula, others...hahaha.

The truth is sometime I feel jealous with my friend. I admit that I am green with envy with them. I always question on why they have something that I don't have. I feel untalented, I have no speciality to offer, and I'm suck at everything I do. Oh, you might say that I do have something to offer. What is it? I dont have it. To have nothing as a talent, is like being a cast on Heroes with no special ability and after three scene, die, murdered accidentally by Sylar. I know I shouldn't be thinking like this. But it's there in my mind, going back and forth.

One of my friends said that do not assume anything. She was right, but you can help to assume when everybody is drifting apart from you. Yes, I always assume people doesn't like for the very reason I did not know. Another one of my friends, always likeable by people. Somehow, when I was near this same people, there's some aura that feel I'm not likeable. Okay, maybe I was wrong. But I do not get the same likeable spark like my friend does, I cannot blame anyone for assuming thing right? I always have a very good impression whenever meeting for the first time. Then after a few more sessions with me, they dont like me at all. Okay, I know I'm assuming. How do you fee if there is a major change when someone treated you the way they use to do, but now it's like.............we never know each other before.

The reason I write this is I want to help myself. I am sorry if I offend some of my friends, but I believe they're good people. I just need to focus and clear my mind. Maybe being too much alone making some negativity flows in my head. I just have a bad time.

Skeleton in the Closet!

2010-04-09T08:00:00.002+08:00

As I looking at the new trenchcoat, which I bought a three weeks ago, thinking where and when should I wear this expensive thingy that burn a hole in my pocket, I was thinking another thing. What do people will say when they see me wearing this?

Contrary to popular belief, when people say that they dont care whatever other people say about them, they actually care. It's just how thick the degree of hypocrity (hahaha...i just create the word base on the hypocrite) and how high the level of the confidences. Sometimes, I just smile when people post in their social networking sites, that they don't care what people say about them, but most of the photo are like screaming kinda sweet and cute, handsome or pretty. It's begging for someone to post comment on their photo (Shmmaart and gojes!! Aiyo..bahasa anak muda zaman sekarang kan!!)

But it is okay. At least they manage to do it. Myself is a strange case. I don't know why sometimes I feel I am the lowest, when dealing with this issue. I always afraid of people telling me how worst I look, it's getting me down sometimes. Try to ignore it, but dealing with that in almost every life stages is always a problem. Not that I don't get any compliment, but the percentage is too low, you can almost dismiss it as nothing.

Anyway, I learn to cope with that. Slowly. It' still there. I have to accept who I am. But it is slow, and I'm getting impatient.

Taking Chances!

2010-04-05T09:00:00.000+08:00

But what do you say to taking chances,

What do you say to jumping off the edge?

Never knowing if there's solid ground below

Or hand to hold, or hell to pay,

What do you say,

What do you say?

Bermacam manusia, Pelbagai Kerenah, Berlainan Ragam!

2010-04-01T16:18:00.003+08:00

My head is a little stress out. Nampak macam happy. But actually dibuat-buat. Terutama bila balik rumah. Ada banyak soklan nak tanya ni dan kegeraman melampau .

I have a housemate, new housemate to be exact. Baru duduk dalam dua tiga bulan. Tapi, the stress that he brings, serabut kepala nak dirungkaikan. Dia ni bekerja kat restoran yang sentiasa penuh orang kat Jalan Damai, Ampang.(matila klue straight to the point ..).

Mula-mula ok. Tapi sekarang ni bila tengok muka dia macam rasa sakit hati plak. Pertama, dia sudah membawa 'parasit' ke dalam rumah. Apa maksud 'parasit'? Kalau ikutkan istilah saintifik yang dipermudahkan (wow..masih ku ingat ajaran Encik F..wakakaka) merupakan satu benda yang memanfaatkan hanya dirinya sendiri, manakala yang lain mendapat kerugian. Dengan kata lain, apabila parasit memasuki perumah (host) dia akan merosakkan perumah itu.

Itulah yang terjadi sekarang. Kedatangan 'parasit' yang dibawa oleh housemate ini telah mengganggu kitar hidup saya, menyebabkan ketidakselesaan di situ. Kebiasaan menonton televisyen, sambil memakai boxer berbaring-baring sementara menunggu pesanan tiba sudah tidak lagi dapat dilakukan dengan kerap. Kelaziman untuk mwngurangkan bakul pakaian kotor yang sudah penuh, tidak dapat dilakukan, akibat penyidai baju penuh dikuasai 'parasit'. Akhirnya terpaksa berkurung dalam kokun mitokondria sendiri sambil menyumpah-nyumpah bila 'parasit' ini akan pergi.

Kedua, kalau mereka ini rajin bekerja tak apala. Tapi dalam dua tiga minggu ni asyik berada di rumah ajer. Rimas. Sesak. Dorang ingat kami Rumah Penyayang Bakti? Owh Yea, ada banyak persoalan bermain di kepala sekarang. Dah tanya soalan tersebut kat akak sebelah meja aku kat ofis..tapi motif jawapan dia semua positif??? Ala-ala bahagiala dia kunun...hehehehe

Nak tanya lah kan... kalau orang-orang yang kerja di bahagian restoran nih gaji berapa ek? Bukan apa..aku rasa housemate aku ni gaji besar, walaupun kerja sebagai w***** ajer ok. Bukti? Dia mampu pakai kredit kad dan boleh beli kereta. Aku yang keja ofis ber air conditioning ni pun tak mampu lagi nak beli keta (hahaha..salah satu sebab tak berlesen...larikkkkkkkk).Fine. Maybe korang kata kereta ngan kad kredit tuh sapa-sapa bleh apply and beli kalau you bekerja.Ok. boleh terima. Which exactly bring me to the question no 2. Kalau sapa-sapa yang kerja restoran ni cuti tahunan berapa hari? Atau dalam seminggu berapa hari korang boleh cuti???

Yeap. Bayangkan yer inchek-inchek sekalian. Housemate bengong ini jarang datang bekerja. Pernah dia cuti sebulan (dia takde hal penting yer macam hal keluarga ker, apa ker) and then baru-baru ni dia dah tak bekerja lebih sepuluh hari. And please tell me again, berapa banyak cuti tahunan yang anda ada, sepanjang anda bekerja?? Cuti tahunan aku yang kerja dalam kubik sambil main-main game dan update blog ni pun (opss) pun tak der sampai 30+10 = 40 HARI!!!!!

That's why rimas. I've been thinking to find a new crib, tapi I have to sacrifice my plan to buy car. Sekarang ni tengah bingung.

P/S Siapa kata kerja kat restorn tak klass???? Teringat isu pasal Persatuan Pengusaha Restoran Muslim Malaysia yang kebanyakan warga tempatan tak mau kerja restoran begini. Well guys, here's the opportunity. Mintaklah kerja kat restoran-restoran sekitar jalan Damai neh. Gaji? Jangan Risau. Kalau dah bleh beli keta ngan apply kad kredit tu kira loaded lah kan. Kalau dah kerja nanti, kalau nak cuti sampai berapa hari pon bos tak kisah(silalah tanya bos restoran itu) and kalau dia pecat anda, katakan padanya ada juga pekerja yang juga cuti lama tanpa alasan still jugak tak dibuang-buang. Seriously piss off with these 'parasit'.

Song That Inspire !

2010-03-29T18:55:00.004+08:00

Bisakah

Daku terasa ingin membawa
Cinta yang terlara ke titik mula
Kembali mencuba untuk kali kedua
Menggilapkan gerhana jiwa

Pernah ku terasa ingin merayu
Pada kasih dulu pulang padaku
Lupakan dosaku putihkan kelabu
Tenangkan amarahmu
Namun?

Bisakah yang terpadam dinyala
Bisakah yang terhina dicinta
Walau ku himpunkan sesalku
Bisakah terbuka kalbu

Naluri meminta kuungkapkan kata
Seindah bahasa janjikan setia
Akan bersemilah cinta dihatinya
Percaya ku semula
Namun?

Bisakah yang benci disayangi
Bisakah yang dusta dimaafi
Walauku himpunkan sesalku
Bisakah terbuka kalbu

Bila senduku berlinang sayu
Dalam rinduku ku tertanya

Bisakah yang benci disayangi
Bisakah hatiku difahami
Walauku himpunkan sesalku
Bisakah terbuka kalbu

Lagu ni buat saya sedih. Everytime I hear macam ada perasaan sebak. Kadang-kadang tanpa disedari air mata hampir menitis. Seriously, my eyes was berkaca when I heard this song. Sangat meruntun jiwa. Mungkin sebab ada kena mengena dengan diri sendiri. Tak tau la orang lain macam mana. But, I try not to cry whenever the song is played, tapi itupun macam nak tahan air mata gila2.Hahaha.

My Two Cents of The Latest Season Of Akademi Fantasia

2010-03-27T22:36:00.003+08:00

Hahahahaha. I admit I watch the show. Not a fanatic. But totally I know the development.

The latest season is quite not inspiring. Now, it doesn't look like AF at all. (Tiru American Idol kah??). Dulu, bila kita as penonton minta macam-macam, ubah sistem undi ker...apa ker, they said that they actually bound by the the show original rules (what I mean they francise the show from Mexico, so they dont have any say in changing the format), but watch the show..and wow..macam-macam ada!!!

I wonder does the franciser (ada ker word neh) approve these so called change? I really want to see the REAL original show, so I can point out that what they say earlier is really contradict.

As for the contestant, well, I'm not going to blast these choosen one. I think who choosen them is totally right, LOOK is far more important than Talent, if you want to be a celebrity. And based on our country, I believe we still care about how cute/handsome/pretty these celebrity are. Yes, unless your look can be polished, as long as you look dashingly good, you will succeed. In the entertainment world for sure. And I hate it, when someone compare us to other country like America, (konon-konon dorang banyak talent daripada beauty), but they dont know if you come to Taiwan, Korea, Japan...looks is all that matter. (Even there are 13 of them saying sorry sorry bla bla bla ...but dont carela...people gonna love them anyway :) ). So please compare us to more reliable country, not THAT mecca of entertainment.

As for the concert, for now it's coming to the third concert. And I dont feel something. They always rush, cutting every song with just one chorus (and one bridge..kalau ada), sangat pelik okay. Pelik, since you dont have to eliminate someone on the concert..napa pendekkan lagu??
And there's no personality or what so ever when the contestant sing a song. I remember when the past season, I kinda like how they show the personality of the contestant on stage, like funny Lotter on AF4, and how naive Nija when she perform the Jelingan Manja. Well, fast forward to the future, I thought I see an LG Mystarz/Mentor/Bintang RTM yang memang nyanyi ajer, no need for the personality to color the performance.

And, these season still no contestant bring some impact on my song playlist. What I mean is, sometimes, on past season, when a contestant sing a song, I always like how they perform it. Macam Nurul masa nyanyi lagu Sejakku Bertemu Padamu. Like Zila when she perform Jika Kau Kekasih. Like last season Aishah, who perform Dan Sebenarnya. Or Mila when she belted out Benci Tapi Rindu. They dont necessarily making it better than the original artist, but somehow, it made me want to google that song and download it, so I can hear it all the time. But until now, I still cannot get that impact. All I have is Glee soundtrack, which is playing on my Winamp right now..hahaha

I should not comment much more, I need to sleep .

Let It Go!

2010-03-27T01:06:00.005+08:00

I have problems. But I'm not sad. Something that I think it is a bad behaviour., and I should put a series about it. Got a lot of bad behaviour, and no, it doesn't make me a bad boy, but I guess I'm just wimpy.

I always said to people that you have to let it go, everything that not works should not bother you anymore, and times will heal. Like, when someone broke with their partner, always said just let it go and time will ease the pain. Ironically, I bit my own tongue. I myself have a very hard time to let someone go in my life.

I dont know why. I always feel if I'm acting on a series, I want my part to be as one of the main character. I dont want to be in a series where my part is just an icing on the cake. You take the icing, it is still cake rite? (I'm blabbering again..hahaha)

Sometime I know, when people start ignoring you, you have to let it go. I hate it when people ignoring me, because I have a hard time to let it go. The thing is, I hold a grudge. It's not that these grudge can be release any time soon, but whatever I feel I just keep it inside, it's getting bigger and I need to let some go, otherwise I'll blow up. The more grudge I keep, more hate grows deeper in heart.

In another perspective, some people don't know that they give hope to other people. And then they go away. Hope, when you don't know, is the best lie in the world. That's why sometimes I gave up on hope, it makes me sad, more grudge when hope actually cannot fulfil what I want.

I've been trying to let all these things go. Without grudge. Or hate. When a person is ignoring me, I just take that as a cue that the person don't need me anymore. I should not place someone easily in my heart. Or, put them in my heart's chart. And as I always said, time will help. I wouldn't bother anyone again. :)

My bad habit comes again..!!!

2010-03-21T21:47:00.006+08:00

Hello everyone. It's a very hectic week for me, especially on weekends. On Friday, I have appoinment with doctor, to do that procedure. I hope everything will be fine, and I hope that reddish black very tiny small dots on my face will be gone with the wind in once week time. From another clinics I hop on to another clinic which is a very far than this clinic I had appointment. I don't know what trigger's me to go that far, since being unvehicle in the city really makes my life susah. Hahahaha (FINISH the driving lesson la..lazybones!!!)

And I've been doing nothing since weekend, but just going shopping all over again. It's good to finally be able to buy something, especially new clothes!! I was buying some clothes especially for my "outstation" work someway in the April. I wouldn't want to look like salesperson selling credit card, I want to look out of this wordl (Hahahaha..my dapper boss maybe dont approve my look, but I dont care..)

And, for the first time ever, I managed to buy a trenchcoat, I've been dreaming to buy it since a long time ago (not sure how long it is), it cost me a bomb, and I still dont know when should I wear it. It still sits pretty tight in its paper bag(I wouldn't tell you the brand). And also my first ever blazer suit (yahoo....I've got a new suit)....

Anyway..i'm now looking for a new crib. Wish me luck :)

Tenang!

2010-03-14T00:19:00.005+08:00

I was back. Last weeks before is tedious. Until weekend coming. Good news seem to pop reluctantly, and I hope it will last. Finally, I restructured my financial situation. No more credit cards. I mean particularly, I'm staying with only one at the moment. I hope I don't temp to swipe it anymore. I'm leaving it at home...hahahaha

I need to focus back on my work, and have to stop playing games whenever I was bored at work. Maybe I'll read my Percy Jackson book. It almost came to the the fifth book.(See, I do read. I hate the movie. It stray too much from the story, although that Percy is cute.Ouch!)

Last few weeks I haven't catch any movies lately, and I did this week, by taking MC.Hahaha. So much desperation for wanting to see a movie. I watch the musical, Nine. Well..I think the movie inexplainable, but somehow I know why Penelope Cruz was nominated for Best Supporting Actress in Oscar. She was awesome playing that Carla.(Was it?)

Moving on, I actually skip once blind date that I should meet this person. We keep smsing each other, but I always cannot make it to meet this person. (Yea..I have many things buzzing in my head at that time). I promise this person to meet on end of March. Owh, I just realize that I lost one of my abilities recently. I seem not to having girls companion anymore. Sure, there are my colleague, but they don't belong in that category... Need to work on this..hahahaha

Owh...this one I should ask. Do I need to reveal myself If I go to someone's blog? I know some people want to know me,but I don't know. I feel that they will come, and then after some time they dont come again. Hahaha. So much for narcissism. (Hey, I need that!)

Do not give hope!

2010-03-04T14:06:00.002+08:00

Kalau tak mampu

Jangan beri harapan

Kalau sekadar mengisi kekosongan

Jangan beri harapan

Kalau sekadar mengguna kemudian meninggalkan

Jangan beri harapan

Kalau komitmen itu menjadi masalah

Jangan beri harapan

Kalau tak mahu dianggap

Jangan beri harapan

Kalau tak mampu menjadi apa yang sepatutnya

Jangan beri harapan

Sekian, post tercepat dari ofis sebelum kena block .

Dari sudut pandangan yang sinikal...

2010-03-02T00:42:00.008+08:00

Sana-sini sibuk citer pasal anak pompuan kecik yang kena belasah dengan boyfriend mak dia sampai mati. What a sad case. Seperti yang semua tahu, we all bersedih dan geram atas kejadian yang berlaku. But I'm not going to tell what yang everybody sudah baca di media bergerak, bertulis dan sebagainya.

For me, itu sudah takdir Tuhan. I have a very strange view (different) from everyone else, but still I still share the same opinion, that it should not be happen.

But kadang-kadang bila tengok masyarakat ni..amboi amboi amboi. I think they're too much. They think they would do better if they were 'in' the story. Remember my entry kat bawah yang citer pasal diri sendiri lebih penting tuh?? Yeap, we're all ignorance until something (bad) happens.

Rasa geram pula bila mendengar seorang pemanggil ke radio terhangat mengenai cerita sedih ini yang menyalahkan ibunya macam dia dalam her shoes. Katanya ibunya memang tak patut buat macam tulah..kenapa bergewe dengan suspekla..sepatutnya ibu mangsa itulah ..inilah..well...you not in her shoes!! Sekadar mengetahui cerita yang disiarkan di media bercetak dan elektronik sudah mampu untuk melepaskan geram kepada mereka-mereka yang terbabit...padahal belum tentu lagi pemanggil ini melakukan perkara yang dicadangkan/disalahkan itu. Memang benar ibunya bersalah. Tapi jangan pula sampai anda berlagak macam anda lebih bagus, mentang-mentang kehidupan anda gembira, ada famili bahagia, anda tambah pula sesalan dan deritanya.

Begitu juga yang menyalahkan masyarakat sekitar, kerana tak ambil pusing dengan apa yang berlaku. Benar mereka juga bersalah, tapi tak perlulah beria-ria menuduh. Cuba kalau dia yang menuduh ini berada di tempat kejadian. Beranikah dia menghalang kejadian itu??? (Memanglah dia akan kata berani, but really, I still stand firm on my view that you're not on their shoes. Anda tidak berada di sana ketika itu. Anda tidak merasa bagaimana perasaan itu.

Which makes me thinks memang kita tak peduli kan, sampailah terjadi sesuatu yang buruk pada orang itu..then bila something happens, kita sibuk kata dia ni patut macam ini, sepatutnya begitu...begini...and macam-macam lagi. The truth is we dont care about anyone except keluarga dan saudara-mara, kerabat kita dalam suasana sejahtera. Yang lain....biarlah(aku peduli apa). Until next cases arises. Then you see these people start acting that they were good. Macam ****!!!!!!

-dari orang yang tak dipedulikan-

Descending !!

2010-02-25T23:53:00.004+08:00

Ok.

Time to rethink. No..I dont know if it call rethink. I mean for the past couple of weeks I am not sure where I suppose to go in the future.

I dont have proper planning, or even set any goal for myself. I live like I'm in despair for all my life, kinda like how destroyed the life of the drug addict, but in a different way. You see, my point is, I don't have high hope on my life. I want to set high hope, nice goal for myself, but I'm so afraid that hope was just another hope. It will never turn into reality. That was snapping me back. It came crushing that I never want to have any hope, and I just go with the flow.

Myself is full of negativity and all the dark vibes accumulating inside. You know it when you always think these people are bad, that people sucks because they dont treat you the way you like and always have negative perception about them, instead of embracing life and get to know them better.

Yea, Hate myself. I never been so comfortable with my wholeself. But, it is my mind and my soul, I shouldn't loathe them. I feel low in my confidence. Sometimes, I just fake my happy persona. Being hypocryte is what I always do.

Feeling happy, but you know that somewhere deep inside my heart there's something wrong.

I'm also feel down right now, and I dont pay attention to my workloads in the office. I dont take everything seriously. Yes, admitting I have much problems.

Some people say, hey you got a great job, good family, and friends, why still whining like a moron and think you're loser???

I dont have any answer for that. Perhaps what I need is care. and money. and money. and lots of money.hahaha.

Putting that aside, I dont know what should I do. I'm drifted to descending motivation. Help me.