friendship and all that matters

what is it the meaning of friendship?...question like this bother me all the time...

is just they are coming when you're happy ...and leave you when you having trouble?

bagi aku...masalah ini merupakan masalah terbesar dalam kehidupan aku... supposed having many friends it's quite happy, rite?....
semenjak aku membuat keputusan untuk belajar di universiti ni, it seems that i don't have so much friends here....i know that ada orang mesti cakap apsal tak immersekan diri dalam kolej ni..and be involved in everything....lebih mesra dengan semua orang...grab any chance...but ...i think that is not part of my problem....

truth is ...i do have a clique...that going to class together and ends up gong back together....and we never meet again till tomorrow unless we have project or assignment together...( ya kami satu clique memang selalu satu kumpulan dalam assignment...easier to deal with)
that's all i have ...a clique...and i'm wondering...why my friends is not like everybody's else ?
i was green with envy when i saw my roomates with his constant friends at my room...
they really treasure their friendship much....but in case of my clique.....we laugh together a lot and cracked jokes frequently...but it was in the short time period...
was there anyone from my clique that can accompany me to buy 'buka puasa' meals?
or anyone from them that can hanging on my room just chit chat all nite long instead of using me to use laptop for surfing myspace?
and then praise himself oh...i got too many friends request and you got none?

all this thing is making me sad. but why i do have such a lame clique?
should i blame myself for this?
sadly.....i think so...

i remember when i was in the first semester...we were bonded very well.....i realise that this is one of my friends that like everybody's got when they go to university..
half truth there...
point is, i was the one who left behind......and i was the thousands behind his most precious friend in the same league.
oh ya...forgot to tell...my friends is what you called 'pondan'....ahahaha...maybe you think that is so ironic..but actually i do have something in common with him...
that's why i befriends with him......
we were in the same class coz we take the same course....
i think that is why we bonded together very well...

but sometimes...there are things although relatively small..but there are
a hole inside our friendship web...
and i am gonna ask question
WHY SOFTGUY or PONDAN PREFER ONLY THE KIND OF THEM AND JUST SPEND EVERY TIME HE HAD WITH THEM?
WHY CAN PONDAN BE TOO CLOSED WITH STR8 GUY?

I am really pissed off. I was patiently enough. but it was accumulate in my head...and
all this time it makes me stress...

i was so dissapointed with him just because.............

i'm not on his top 8 list in his myspaces...( but hey....how come all the 'same type' friends of him here in college deserve the spot?)
instead of me...he opt for accompany one of his 'same type' friends to break the fast ...(never mind bout this....but sometimes i do think about it..
when we have a big final exam...it was supposed that we walk together to the exam hall and we can talk what topics that will be on the final exam...we were in the same degree course though....
but instead ....he choose to walk with one of his 'same type' friends.....his friends just accidently have exam at the same day...but really ...his 'same type'of friends doesn't study on the same course as i am with him...why he do this?
why?....
why?...maybe i am not good enough for him...not so happening like his other 'same type'friends..and i don't overly gedik like they used to do......

thank god for this semester i have to deal with only one of his pondan friends...heheh
because two of them were going to have practical for the whole of this semester....
i thought things will be better...anyway..not...
and i'm wondering what will happen to me when next semester come in......
and maybe i'm the one who will be left alone...
sorry my friends....it's just that i have no guts to tell you this face to face...
i am afraid that if was to be open with you about this..our friendship is not going to look the same as before......
anyway...........
there's long story...
and i hope that there is light at the end of the tunnel..although i can't see it yet....