Tuesday, September 18, 2007

SYAHDU RAMADHAN

dah lama tak update.. rasa rindu pulak....anyway...hari ni dah masuk hari keenam kita berpuasa. setakat ni, i don't feel too hungry or too exhausted...maybe sebab dah biasa kan...even going to the bazaar ramadhan pun aku tak tahu nak beli apa....

DI Awal Ramadhan ni , terasa macam sedikit sedih pulak. I'm all alone, and everything that I do was merely by myself. Well, aku selalu juga berbuka seorang diri dalam bilik ...sambil menonton my favourite anime Bleach. Itu ajalah yang boleh aku buat.

Want to ask someone to accompany me but I guess somehow my requested will be rejected. Tak tahu kenapa. Mungkin setelah lama, aku lebih selesa bersendirian. Aku tahu orang itu pun sibuk.Sudah lama ingin mengajak orang itu, tapi memikirkan dari dulu sampai sekarang, aku memang bersendirian. Kebiasaan itu membuat aku lebih tabah.

Kenangan berpuasa di sini...semuanya syahdu. Bersendirian tanpa sesiapa pun semasa berbuka puasa actually quite pathetic. But I'm quite used to it. Aku sedar siapa diri ini. Bak kata green,if got a chance, some of them want to give me a kick and even slap on my face.I was not likeable at all.

Still, i'm not blaming anyone, especially him. What he says is quite true actually, that was the personality that I developed here. He still my best friend, cuma aku tak tahu di mana kedudukan aku dalam hatinya. Maybe just di luar pagar hati...... I know that if me and his other friends was here...and if he had to choose, he maybe choose the latter... (well...the answer is obvious actually.)

Kadang-kadang rasa iri hati juga melihat jiran sebelah, even my roomate yang berbuka bersama-sama dengan kawan.Tapi, okaylah sekarang ni rasa macam biasa jer berbuka seorang.Like I said before, getting used to it.

Lately, aku rasa malas nak belajar. Going to the lectures is something that bored me. I've got tests all over this weeks, tapi selembar nota pun aku tak buat ulang kaji. Malah, my final year project pun tak menunjukkan kemajuannya selepas pembentangan proposal hari tuh. Apa yang difikirkan, aku sendiri runsing.

Mungkin aku patut quit all this? I should tell my parents about this. The situation here make it worse for me. I always want to be away from here. I feel the condition here is not making me happy at all. Aku banyak melayan perasaan emosi yang sendu, kesunyian yang mencengkam hati, dan kehidupan yang sungguh membosankan.

Tapi, entah mengapa, aku masih bertahan di sini.(Actually , I'm forcing myself to hold on...I don't know how much can I hold). Aku rasa lemah dan tidak berdaya, malah hari-hari yang dilalui terasa bagaikan lama. Maybe , ada yang kata bahawa aku ni emo. Well, you have to put yourself in my shoes and try to feel what I feel now.
Tiada sesiapa yang faham tentang perasaan seseorang yang sunyi dan tidak dipedulikan sesiapa.



Kalaulah aku tidak belajar di sini..tapi di tempat lain...maybe....

AHHH...Itu semua tidak mungkin.....Reality is, I was stucked here...

I always mention that I was happy during my practical time. The lovely 'joey' was left there. Now, I struggle to juggle everything in my life.

Walau apa pun yang berlaku, kehidupan kena diteruskan. Biarpun terpaksa memakai topeng , yang penting, i survived another day. How I wish it could end in the blink of the eyes.Seperti yang dikatakan, nobody knows the feeling of being left alone and no one pay attention to you.


In the mean time, trying not to be sad for a day is just my main priority right now.

POST ENTRY
Anyway ...i'm aware that ada orang yang misunderstanding what I write here. Apologies if my writing affect your emotion, feelings and makes you feel uncomfortable. But...I don't blame anyone, not YOU also....It's all my fault...
Please Read my poems below.......You will understand....

and SORRY FOR EVERYTHING....

10 orang telah memberi komen yang sengal!:

^::redZ-Ziaf::^ said...

joey.....!!

i know

i know

i know

how it feels

Mr Green said...

mengapa aku selalu di kaitkan dengan kau. adakah aku ini penyebab kau xde kawan. aku pasti lepas ini, ramai yang mencemuh aku. I dont know how to help my self to develop a feeling on how to like u anymore coz u keep on blaming me and my fren rather than try to speak up. aku dah malas nak cakap. come on la, u r big enough to think about urself. i dont want to be soft anymore to u. it is kind of lying to u if i m owez being so polite in making u happy. please, dont blame others in a relationship. blame urself. i m sick enough of other problems, dont make me feel so boring to b ur fren anymore. dont make me vomit out the word i hate u so much one day coz i hate that word too. if u think being alone is good, so just keep it up and please dont show ur fucking face to me soon if u got any problem somehow coz i m nothing to u right. i m nothing compare to ur past history, to ur fate to ur relationship. i think we better stop here coz i dont want myself to have such a habit like yours. habit of hating people. sorry for saying this. tis is a bulan puasa, its a good month and u dont use to be to use it as the month where u r being happy in it.as a muslim u should know it. the happiness just not come only from friends. u got another friend than, yes Allah or God. u r not alone, he has already make a good path for u and please dont ruin it by blaming others. maybe some day u will know maybe, but i think the someday, there will no such name as green anymore in ur life and i m really2 want to know what will happen during that some day. tek k my one hu use to be called a friend of mine, dont ever tell me that i m not respecting this relationship. may god bless u pal.

Anonymous said...

ape ni joey..

aku sedyh..

tataw nk cakap ape..

juz take care..

i n d rest ttp ingat u sbg kawan..

jgn risau..

buang je feeling tu..k?

heartbreaker

Mr Green said...

why is my name owez appear when u start to talk about how lonely u are being in this campus. i m so stupid huh. yes i m so stupid 4 being so patient to everybody. from now on wards i want to show my true colours that i will be as cruel as cruel as u thought i m be.

dina said...

kenapa ni joey...sedih sungguh baca entry joey ni...

well dik...cheer up ek! Kalau sekalipun berada dalam kesusahan, berdoalah banyak-banyak pada Allah. Insyaallah..DIA akan sentiasa membantu umatNYA.

Lee Novotny said...

??????? Oh my Goodness!! Calm down..be cool and try to rekindle friendship uols...there's nothing worse than getting bored with your life as well as falling out with good friends!!!

miLLa said...

wont say that much

wont say, things like "i understand how u feel" or "everything is gonna be ok"

all i can say is, please hang on a lil longer and stronger, and u might get through it cuz ure such a strong person ;)

take care babe!

Adi Luqman said...

Happy ramadhan to you :)

aria ayumi said...

maybe sbb terpaksa kot yg jadik kite uat pape pun tak happy... try joey uat benda yg meng-happy kan. at least, bleh release tension :)

truanta said...

joey...
yaaahhh..life mesti diteruskan walau perlu bertopengkan something..
tapi jangan diikutkan sangat hati tuuh..

just hold on..ader hikmah behind all these..plus sal berbuka tuuh..lagi aman kalao ko berbuka sengsorang..tak payah nak catch up cam ak nih..banyak hati kene jaga..samapi hati sendiri x terjaga..

kalau org lain penat sebab kehausan..ak penat sebab kesana-kemari jaga hati kawan aku semua..

btw..jaga diri yerk...study leklok..jangan ler bored sesangat dalam lecture hall tuuh...and good luck fot the test..there will come a time when real joey will shine again..wait for that ok? adioss buddy...

 
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