Descending !!

Ok.

Time to rethink. No..I dont know if it call rethink. I mean for the past couple of weeks I am not sure where I suppose to go in the future.

I dont have proper planning, or even set any goal for myself. I live like I'm in despair for all my life, kinda like how destroyed the life of the drug addict, but in a different way. You see, my point is, I don't have high hope on my life. I want to set high hope, nice goal for myself, but I'm so afraid that hope was just another hope. It will never turn into reality. That was snapping me back. It came crushing that I never want to have any hope, and I just go with the flow.


Myself is full of negativity and all the dark vibes accumulating inside. You know it when you always think these people are bad, that people sucks because they dont treat you the way you like and always have negative perception about them, instead of embracing life and get to know them better.

Yea, Hate myself. I never been so comfortable with my wholeself. But, it is my mind and my soul, I shouldn't loathe them. I feel low in my confidence. Sometimes, I just fake my happy persona. Being hypocryte is what I always do.

Feeling happy, but you know that somewhere deep inside my heart there's something wrong.

I'm also feel down right now, and I dont pay attention to my workloads in the office. I dont take everything seriously. Yes, admitting I have much problems.

Some people say, hey you got a great job, good family, and friends, why still whining like a moron and think you're loser???

I dont have any answer for that. Perhaps what I need is care. and money. and money. and lots of money.hahaha.




Putting that aside, I dont know what should I do. I'm drifted to descending motivation. Help me.