FEAR, KETAKUTAN ATAU LOW CONFIDENCE

Here I am. Back Again. On a serious note.A lot of work unfinished, sebab I'm having something yang aku namakan Keletihan Melampau. Yes, sejak kebelakangan ni..aku selalu rasa penat dan letih walaupun aku tak buat banyak kerja..Terlebih tidur adalah....

So..I consult with the college's doctor about my condition. Aku sendiri tak berapa ingat setiap butir patah perkataan yang diucapkan oleh Dokter itu. But ada satu yang masih aku ingat sampai sekarang...


"........Ya sebenarnya stress yang berlebihan juga boleh menyebabkan keletihan yang melampau..................."

Mungkin doktor bercakap benar. I am thinking the same juga. Belajar untuk let it go adalah satu perkara sukar. Di luarannya aku seorang yang ceria. But It was the inside of me that really needs to be calm.

Sometimes I feel that I have fear just to talk someone. Mungkin korang kata ala...normallah but for me ...this is something that make me stressful.


I learnt something from two of my best friends here...just accept the way you are, or who you are..apabila kita menerima diri kita seadanya...keyakinan diri itu akan datang dan akan sentiasa meningkat. Sayangilah diri seadanya, sebolehnya.

I try to accept how I am, the way of me, but I know that deep down inside I was not able to really be proud of this is the way I am.

My two best friend have something in common. Mereka tidak berasa takut atau gentar untuk bercakap dengan sesiapapun. Especially yang seorang ni. I admired the way he brings himself.

Dia yakin dan tidak pernah takut to show inilah dirinya yang sebenar, sedangkan aku, masih lagi cuba bersembunyi because I fear that they don't accept who am I.

Kadang-kadang aku cuba melarikan diri dari fakta bahawa aku adalah itu... but in the end it still keeps haunting me back.

Why the fear?

I don't want them membuat pandangan yang serong terhadap diriku. And I don't want them to make some negative dish about me in sort of a bad way.

And I really don't have any topic to say. So sometimes the feeling is awkward. I see my two friends can talk to these persons...but I myself just keep quiet...really don't know what to say.

I wonder, if these people like Tru, Amirul, Azman, Azrul or even Kamal were in my college ..I never have the guts to say hi or just lepak with them having a nice fun conversation. Although with my two friends, I am non stopper.

Maybe I need help. I need support. I need to have someone to tell me that they can accept the way I are..even though it makes me them ...euwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww...or really??

What is the biggest deal I am talking about? Well..still I'm not revealing anything. For those of you yang dah tahu... Thanks for still want to be friends with me...

The things is I need to build my confidence. Try to accept the way I am. And be happy that is the way I am. And to show everyone that this is who I am..without any fear..


P/s- I am going to the 'other side' soon to spent my short holidays. Details about it in my next entry.