Skeleton in the Closet - One More Time!!

I hope that everyone is not boring when I unleashed another skeleton in the closet series. But I feel if there's no one to talk to, perhaps I can write something here. I may look like a good guy, but that is not what I feel for myself. I've been trying to talk about this to my friend. Maybe they misunderstood. Hahaha. Never mind bout that.

To be honest, I am a selfish person. I don't care about anyone else, including my family. My need is more importants than anyone else, and there's time when my need is not fulfill, I have do something extreme (not so so extreme I think, but you get the idea la). But I've try to tone it down. Have try. Not so successful. At least, I dont hold so much selfishness now. 

Having friends is a blast. I've been blessed, because I've got soo many best friends, not too mention good friends that help me along the way. Sometime, my selfishness get in the way, causing my relationship with some friends in trouble, but some manage to baik semula, others...hahaha.

The truth is sometime I feel jealous with my friend. I admit that I am green with envy with them. I always question on why they have something that I don't have. I feel untalented, I have no speciality to offer, and I'm suck at everything I do. Oh, you might say that I do have something to offer. What is it? I dont have it. To have nothing as a talent, is like being a cast on Heroes with no special ability and after three scene, die, murdered accidentally by Sylar. I know I shouldn't be thinking like this. But it's there in my mind, going back and forth.

One of my friends said that do not assume anything. She was right, but you can help to assume when everybody is drifting apart from you. Yes, I always assume people doesn't like for the very reason I did not know. Another one of my friends, always likeable by people. Somehow, when I was near this same people, there's some aura that feel I'm not likeable. Okay, maybe I was wrong. But I do not get the same likeable spark like my friend does, I cannot blame anyone for assuming thing right? I always have a very good impression whenever meeting for the first time. Then after a few more sessions with me, they dont like me at all. Okay, I know I'm assuming. How do you fee if there is a major change when someone treated you the way they use to do, but now it's like.............we never know each other before.

The reason I write this is I want to help myself. I am sorry if I offend some of my friends, but I believe they're good people. I just need to focus and clear my mind. Maybe being too much alone making some negativity flows in my head. I just have a bad time.